That’s Rich!
Last week my wife and I were watching CBS Sunday Morning. Mo Rocca (resplendent with fedora) was interviewing immensely rich lady, Eileen Rockefeller.
“How much money do you have?” Rocca interviewed fiercely. He wasn’t about to give in and hobnob. He was there to ask the tough questions.
“I have no idea,” Rockefeller answered. “I don’t even count.”
#Orly!!!
That’s supposed to indicate to us underlings how little she actually cares about wealth? Naturally, by this point, I was rolling around my chair expleting shoutatives. I was attempting to injure myself. Because I can afford that.
Saying you have so much money you don’t even bother to count it is supposed to somehow demonstrate how little you actually care about money?
I’ve never had so much money that I had the luxury of not counting it.
Stand back. I think I’m about to blow!
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Talkin’ ‘Bout Your Degeneration
I have come face to face with the devil. No, it’s not me. Not this time. I can’t talk about myself in every post, can I? Sometimes the devil comes in the form of a sweet little girl.
Why is it that when strangers see a baby, an adorable child, or a cute little dog they feel it’s suddenly socially acceptable to interact with same and/or the adults involved?
I hate that. I’ll thank you very much to stay the hell away.
My wife is one of those people. A toddler in a restaurant stands on a seat and stares at my wife. She’ll smile and wave and stuff like that. The nerve.
So the other day there’s a mom and her cute little girl in a restaurant. I was eating my tacos and minding my own business. My wife saw the little girl and smiled. Then, when the mom wasn’t looking, the girl stuck out her tongue at my wife. Three times!
Mom looked back and the little girl went back to adorable peaches and cream. Mom was none the wiser.
The behavior was calculated. The behavior was deliberate. That little girl knew exactly what she was doing. And it wasn’t an innocent act of cuteness, either. There was something vicious behind that tongue. The Marquis de Sade would have proudly declared she had a bright future.
My wife mentioned something about giving the girl a swat on her tushy. It takes a village to raise a child? Try touching someone else’s kid and you’ll be sued until the cows come home. The bank robber that brandished a firearm the other day? The cops arrested him then he was released due to a lack of jail space. Step in and do a job that a parent isn’t willing to do? The catch-and-release program will suddenly be canceled and you’ll be doing hard time. Don’t even think about trying to tell a parent their business.
Me? I mumbled something about “guns” and suddenly I was the one in trouble. My wife accusingly said, “You always take things too far.”
Hey, lady! I’m not the one sticking out my tongue at strangers, so there!
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Random Music: All I Want by The Offspring
I had just finished saving as a “draft” something I had previously intended to post as my deep thought of the day. The post happened to be about the boss. It didn’t make the publishing cut, though, because it was too puss-ridden, even for me!
I was forced to save it and see if it can somehow be salvaged for later. This is a very routine sort of event on my blog. Most that go to Cemetery of Hateful Drafts never return to see the light of day. Sometimes, though, one gets through, usually as a zombie.
Running out of time, with today’s deadline looming, I decided to try to find a little extra inspiration. My plan: Gather my thoughts, clear my mind, focus, extend my aura, and reach out and see what awaits me…
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Forays to the realm of positivity possibilities
I enjoy Twitter a lot. For example, take this tweet that was directed at me a few hours ago:
Oh yeah? Game on! 🙂 Is it any wonder she’s named after my favorite opera or is that the other way around?
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Switcheroo
Friday morning, after my behavior, attitude and outlook had put my wife in a really bad mood, and before she left for work, something happened.
I said, “You know. It really sucks when you’re so angry and you’re about to step out the door and go directly to work. That’s the absolute worst, isn’t it?”
If looks could kill. That look made my blood run so cold it’s still not back up to room temperature yet.
Then she threw down the gauntlet.
She said, “I’m sick of your bullshit, Tom. Everyone hates their jobs. No one wants to live through that, then go read a blog about someone else hating their job, too. It might be mildly funny for a post or two, but then it just gets sad and really sucks. I have to hear you talk about it when it happens. Then you talk about it when you’re writing about it. Then I have to read about it. Then you quiz me to see if I’ve read it. Then you talk about it for a few more days.”
“This can’t continue,” she added.
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Stand back – you’ve activated Viper!
What that tweet didn’t say – what that tweet couldn’t say – almost as if there was some sort of unseen limitation on content – was this:
Please disregard all communiques issued from the Abyss via social media to date. Effective immediately, the Emergency Positivity System (EPS) has been activated. All Earthings are directed to head to the nearest spaceport for transportation to relocation planets for their own safety in the event Tom blows up. This is not a test.
For those of you unable or unwilling to read the announcement, please listen to the official audio version of the announcement. (This is an MP3 audio file.)
If this had been an actual positive thought, the Attention Signal you just heard would have been followed by official information, news or instructions.
Please stand by.
What if everything came up roses?
What if a guru came down from the lonely mountain and discovered a beautiful world full of possibility, promise and the milk and honey of human kindness? What if, also, he realized that referring to himself as “guru” doesn’t necessarily make it so?
Yes, today is the first day of the rest of your life … so make it a good one.
Today is a good day. I’ve got the warmth of the loving sun on my face and the fresh air in my lungs. And my feet ready to take me anywhere I want to be. How lucky is that?
What if you already possess everything you ever required to be the happiest you’ve ever been? What if it was locked inside of you and all you had to do was let it out? And what if nothing was easier, if only you knew the way?
So what if life throws a lemon at you every now and again? That’s just to keep you on your toes. It helps to prevent boredom from setting in. But, don’t just make lemonade. Make it a fun adventure. Throw in some creme fraiche and some escargot and do it up Top Chef style. Turn any everyday fruit beverage into an amuse bouche. Inject your own style and personality and make it yours. And then drink deeply of the rich adventure of life. That’s the most precious gift of all.
Every morning, for something different than the same o’ same o’, wake up, roll out of bed, leap to your feet and scream at the rest of the world, “I am here! I have survived to live another day! And this day will be mine!”
Life isn’t meant to be easy. Nothing good comes easy. You have to want it, grapple with it, subdue it and make it yours.
Remember the wise words of Captain James Tiberius Kirk:
“Maybe we weren’t meant for paradise. Maybe we were meant to fight our way through – struggle, claw our way up, scratch for every inch of the way. Maybe we can’t stroll to the music of lutes. We must march to the sound of drums.”
Aye, Captain. We will make it so!
I feel so different … so alive. Yes, the power of change is coursing through my veins. Today I feel like spreading motivational positivity.
Yes, something has happened to me. Today I feel different.
There’s a stranger in my mirror
Who don’t know how to behave
He keeps grinnin’ ’bout you
And whistlin’ tunes
While he ought to be watchin’ me shaveWe move alike and we look the same
But I swear we’ve got totally different brains
And the love we’re in with you just makes it clearer
He used to be my twin
Now there’s a stranger in my mirror
So who’s with me? Who else believes that thoughts are things, and if only you believe, then your wildest dreams will come true and come to you? All you have to do is believe.
Today I’m going out, I’m going to take on the day, and I’m going to do my part to make the world a better place.
Be the best you you can be and your well of abundance will spill over and quench the thirst of those around you. Lead by example!
Just do it. Make it happen. Be the change you want to see in the world. You are an army of one.
There is no “I” in team! Give it your all, give it your one-hundred and ten percent.
Step up to the plate.
Think outside of the box.
Now I have to go. I can’t wait to get to work. I’m like a kid on Christmas morning who can’t wait to open his presents. Come on, time, move. I’m getting impatient to live this day!
If you need me, just look up. You’ll find me at the second star to the right and straight on till morning.
Shouts from the Abyss 
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