Forever Albums
The Undercity. Once upon a time I lived here.
This morning I said to myself, “No damn politics on the blog! Enough!” I then sat back, cleared my mind and let my consciousness wonder. The tweet above was the result. My brain came up with the idea of marshmallows and chocolate bars having a rumble in the street. Random, I know! From this the lame and grisly thought above got expressed. Too bad Twitter doesn’t have a retroactive time warp function.
Then I checked my “recent drafts” on WordPress to see if there was anything worthy of being finished. Weird, but none of the 267 candidates there showed promise.
So, here’s a totally random post about music.
Back when I worked in the Big City, a group of guys would get off work and head over to Bennigan’s for $1 draft beers and munchies. Yes, this is also the site of the famous Night to Dismember. But that’s another story.
One day I went to the jukebox. It played CDs. Not records. And it had the option to play an entire CD from start to finish. So, when no one was looking, I selected Clint Black. An album called Put Yourself in My Shoes. And I played the whole damn thing. It cost money but it was worth it. Back at the bar everyone was bitching. Who the hell was the asshole? I lamented along with the rest of them, playing along, but inside I was laughing my ass off. For some reason a bar full of young posers becomes really upset about country music.
I like music. I like it a lot. And I have varied and eclectic tastes. My collection ranges from death goth metal to bluegrass. Gilbert and Sullivan show tunes to gospel. Rap, soft hits, Air Supply, Alan Parsons, The Beatles, Elvis, folk, etc. Some genres (like rap and gospel) I am very, very picky but some still find there way into my collection.
Like Ricky Skaggs. I’m a superfan. It seemed like there would also be at least one hardcore religious song per album. I didn’t care. I’d sing along with those songs just as much as the rest of them. “Sinners don’t wait before it’s too late / He’s a wonderful Saviour you know / Well I fell on my knees when I answered my pleas / Hallelujah, I’m ready to go.” Singing songs like that can also be useful for freaking out your friends.
Sometimes you come across albums where you lik every single song. Even the ones that never went on to become hits or even get played on the radio. I often wonder how these things got decided when there were better songs on the album than the ones that got released as singles. Back when I was a kid, we bought albums, not individual songs. If you only go for the promoted singles you’ll be missing out on a lot. Anyway, if every song rocks, then I call it a “Super Album.”
So what is a “Forever Album?” I personally have known two.
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Logic Shot Through The Heart
The NRA is the winner of this year’s SFTA Batshit Crazy Award. Congratulations! You earned it.
The existence of the National Rifle Association begs the question, “Can you win an argument with a crazy person?”
The answer, of course, is, “Hell no. BANG. BANG. You’re dead. Now don’t say shit like that ever again.”
Well shut my mouth.
I’ve been trying to think of an analogy to start this post. I utterly failed so we’ll go with the ever popular cookie.
“If you eat that cookie you will die.”
“You know what? I’m willing to risk it. NOM NOM NOM!!!”
Four years later…
“If you eat another cookie you will die.”
“Are you fucking serious? You were totally wrong about that four years ago. Totally. It is scientifically impossible to be any more wrong than you were. I’m still here. I ate the cookie and I didn’t die. You were the worst wrong of all time. You hold the world record for wrongness about that cookie. How do you live with the fact that you were absolutely wrong in every possible way?”
“Easy. I figured out that the cookie had an evil plan. It decided to kill you later. It didn’t kill you the first time because it wanted to lull you into a false sense of security. The next time you eat the cookie you will die. You’ll see. That’s why I was wrong. I failed to truly understand the evil and deviousness of that cookie.”
Fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice? You must be the NRA.
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Association out of sync
What do you mean I'm blurry and out of sync?
The dawn of the 21st century was the dawn of a new era. We had it all – or so we thought.
First, it was the 21st century. If that doesn’t sound ultra modern and bitchin’ then I don’t know what does.
Then we had the computer, improving life for us all. Some didn’t even require hourly rebooting. Our technological leaps were truly impressive.
Lastly, we had the internet, the magical conduit to all things possible.
There, at the apex of our society, came YouTube, at long last bringing audio out of sync with video to the masses. At last we had it all. At last we had achieved true greatness.
Never before in the history of civilization had the entertainment value of out-of-sync audio been made available to so many. Advanced nations around the world had finally achieved the dream and we able to relax and enjoy the good life, one filled with blurry and confusing sound and images. And it was YouTube that made it all possible.
Some took the easy way out and compensated for the effect with drugs, which they said made the videos watchable again. But most chose to confront reality head on, grapple with it, and eventually fail.
In their memory I offer this rousing clip:
Shouts from the Abyss 
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