Tag Archives: arizona

Obama gets logically fingered

“Sorry, kids. Those answers – all of them – are wrong. Looks like, once again, I’m the only one with the right answer. What did you expect? After all, don’t forget who’s the teacher and who’s the student here. That’s not by accident! Aw, don’t cry. Look. Participant ribbons for everyone, okay? Yeah!”

It’s true. My career in education was a short one.

I was going to run a caption contest for the picture of Arizona Governor Jan Brewer planting a part of her anatomy in the airspace of Obama’s face, but then I realized that such a contest would be a pointless exercise. Why? Because, of course, there is one (and only one) right answer.

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It’s alright – I’m a blogger!

Group Shot

Heart Attack Grill in Chandler, AZ

It’s amazing how fast a crowd can form.

One moment the restaurant hustle and bustle was completely normal, then there was a wild shriek and everything went completely to hell.

A man had collapsed to the floor and a crowd formed around him instantly.

I leaped to my feet and pushed my way through the throng. “Excuse me! Make way, make way!” I said authoritatively. “Come on,” I extolled, “let me pass!

Breaking through, I saw that no one was even helping the man yet. Jesus Christ, I thought. This is gonna be grizzly.

I moved to get in closer but hands reached out and stopped me.

“It’s alright,” I said. “I’m a blogger!”

As the man lay there choking, I snapped off a few shots with my camera (always at the ready) and jotted down some notes in my handy little book. This is going to make an awesome post, I told myself.

Then some damn doctor showed up to help the man. Shit, I lamented, there goes the story. But it turned out it was a only a false alarm. The man had merely seen the menu and was reacting to the prices. Quite understandable, really.

Luckily I didn’t fall for it. What a lame post that would have been. Good thing I was able to avoid it.

We need more guns in bars

Guns and barsI can just imagine it.

The legislator leaned back in his chair, taking a much needed break from porking energy industry “lobbyists” and exclaimed, “what a good job I’ve  been doing” and wondered, “what’s the next problem that needs fixin’.”

“I know,” he exclaimed. “We need more guns in bars. That is what I’ll work on next.”

That’s sort of what happened in Arizona recently when a new law went into effect allowing people with concealed weapons permits to take their guns into bars. (I assume they can already open carry.)

Hmm. Guns and bars. One song immediately leaped to mind.

I rode into town on a crippled horse
Got fired from a cattle drive up north
The ropes of the gallows were swingin’ in the breeze
All the Wanted posters had pictures of me

I got my Colt Forty Five, right by my side
I’m the California Kid, I hope you’re quite prepared to die

Tied what was left of my horse to a hitch
Walked into a saloon, they called the ‘Busted Bitch’
I ordered up a whiskey, he asked me for my bread
I paid him two bits and then I pumped him full of lead

I got my Colt Forty Five, right by my side
I’m the California Kid, I hope you’re quite prepared to die

Source: The song California Kid by the Beat Farmers featuring Country Dick Montana.