Tag Archives: apocalypse

Graphing the Apocolypse


Flash Friction: Marshmallow Armageddon

Not all marshmallows burn in the fire. Some end up here.

I noticed a trend. My posts filled with vile hate and bitterness haven’t been getting much love. I thought to thine own self I was supposed to remain true? I think what Shakespeare must have meant was to try that, at least until the comments start to go down. So this morning I woke up resolute and ready to do something different. I was going to write something happy, uplifting and full of joy. The following piece of Flash Friction is the result. Enjoy! –Ed

It was a day that started much like any other. My friends and I were chilling, as always, in The Bag.

Things with the wife were in a state of flux. I wasn’t quite as stay puft as I used to be. Of late the relationship was getting a bit stale.

Like often happens in times of melancholy, I found myself in my special place. I admit I was feeling a bit roasted. It was the far corner of The Bag and the place where the Holy Ingredients were listed. I’d been here so many times I’d long since memorized them all, and my eyes had long ago adjusted to the backwards printing.

… sugar … corn syrup … water … gelatin … dextrose … vanilla flavorings …
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Advent Calendar of the Seven Seals

Four Horsemen expansion pack shown (available 2012)

Finally, we’re bringing the fun and excitement of Christmas to the Apocalypse…

The Lamb opening the book with seven seals. Source: Wikipedia.

Announcing the Advent Calendar of the Seven Seals, another quality Shouts from the Abyss product.

From the company that brought you Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Army Men and The Shake Your Baby Baby doll, comes the season’s hit must-have consumable merchandise.

Play along at home as worldwide events build to a climax celebrating each milestone by opening a panel to reveal a secret surprise!

Critics literally rave:

“I wouldn’t be caught dead without mine!”

“Being judged can wait. I have to find out what’s behind that next damn seal!”

“Finally, something that makes reading the news more fun!”

“After I finish opening all the seals I’m going to Disneyland!”

The artwork on this limited edition collectible is legendary and sure to cast the right mood for that end-of-days spirit.

Makes a great gift for young collectors who want to have fun while learning about how they’ll be spending the rest of eternity.

Don’t miss your opportunity to acquire all of the special art panels and expansion packs in the first Advent Calendar of the Seven Seals issued to date by Shouts from the Abyss. This piece showcases the finest craftsmanship ever struck by the Abyss honoring all of the seven seals. Each calendar guaranteed to be in brilliant uncirculated condition, richly layered and sealed inside a clear, protective capsule with with privately applied hologram Abyss security seal.

  • FREE custom-designed cherrywood-finish display case.
  • Each Advent Calendar of the Seven Seals will be accompanied by a specially prepared reference card.
  • Informative “Hidden Treasures Around You” booklet. Finding valuable apocalypse signs in everyday places.
  • Each Advent Calendar of the Seven Seals is a Limited Edition, minted for just 90 days.
  • More than a priceless value – save over infinite dollars!
  • Genuine “seal” of authenticity (that’s a little Abyss joke, get it?)

Historical accuracy is guaranteed and includes all seven seals:
Radiation Area

  • First
  • Second
  • Third
  • Fourth
  • Fifth
  • Sixth
  • Seventh
  • Asian Radiation
  • The Palin Presidency
  • Water Shortage
  • The Next Great Flood
  • Genetically-altered corn
  • and much much more!

You can bet your soul you’ll want this one. Act fast while supplies last… and before the sun turns black and the moon turns red.