Tag Archives: angry

The Evolution Of Man #graphic


Nerd Rage


There’s nothing quite like hitting your own face.

And now, on a more personal note, I’d like for you to taste my heart.

There are many definitions, perhaps, to be found on the internet for “nerd rage” but this one is mine:

nerd rage

violent, uncontrollable anger, usually in response to electrically-powered modernized technology: in a terrible fit of nerd rage she smashed the DVD player to pieces.

Source: Demotivational Dictionary, Spew Edition, Filth Version, Unabridged, Fully Reviled and Updated

Courtesy notice: This word doesn’t usually appear in our free dictionary, but the definition from our premium Unabridged Dictionary is offered here on a limited basis. Note that some information is displayed differently in the Unabridged. To access the complete Unabridged Dictionary, with an additional 42,000,000 words that aren’t in our free dictionary, start a free trial.

Our DVD player had been giving us fits. It was so sensitive. Checking out TV shows from the library would result in marathon sessions of watching pixelated squares dance across the screen and/or chewing, grinding noises emanating from the DVD unit that delighted and entertained the cat.

Operating on the theory that, perhaps, our 15-year-old player didn’t offer the latest in playback technology, I dragged my ass into the nearest Best Buy to be boiled alive and have my skin removed go shopping.
Continue reading →

I don’t know (BBQ) beans

Baked Beanie Beans

They should look something like this - if they don't eat the wall first!

I am now recovering from The Cooking Incident. This post has bumped, temporarily, the previously scheduled post about The Camping Incident. (Which is still to come at some later date.)

This was an incident of titanic proportions.

I had decided it would be fun to make some BBQ beans for the Fourth of July. I took out my gigantor America’s Test Kitchen Cookbook and found the recipe. I noticed right way that it contained bacon. (That’s out because my wife is vegetarian.) No worries. I’d just leave that out and find another ingredient that was almost as much fun.

I searched the net and found a recipe that contained green pepper. I love green pepper. The wife said no.

One recipe contained chipotle chilies in an adobo sauce. We happened to have some frozen in the fridge. The wife said yes.

An interesting idea was tossing in some fresh mango. The wife said no. “I don’t like fruit in my beans,” she said.

Lastly, I had the idea of dumping in some bourbon which is always a great idea IMHO. The wife said yes.

With the ingredient lineup approved, I went to work. The recipe called for a dutch oven. The wife recommended our cast iron dutch oven. This moment would turn out to be akin to Captain Smith ignoring the iceberg warnings, although I did not know it yet. Continue reading →

Chips on my shoulder, Ahoy!

I’m an employee. I don’t own this outfit. But if I did, I’ll tell you what I’d do to improve things around here:

Shut down the phones and eliminate all of the customers!

Oh yeah, then life would be good! :)

Not a very realistic business plan, though, eh?

Allow me to introduce Angry Customer Guy. On Day One you meet him in your store. You can tell right off the bat he’s a difficult and ornery sort. After working retail for a while you develop a sixth sense for this sort of thing.

Our business has a policy that all in store sales are final. The policy is posted in several places by the counter and the cash register. I usually mention this policy prior to making the sale just to avoid any unfortunate misunderstandings.

Even though we have this policy, we’re still flexible. We take care of customers all the time, with or without receipt, and usually no matter how much time has elapsed (within reason) as long as the product is still new and in sellable condition. We’ve even gone back years to work with customers. It works a little something like this: “I bought the XYZ Widget. I went home and shoved it in the closet for my spouse who was serving in Iraq. My spouse just got home a year later and we checked it out and it was the wrong widget.” We took care of that customer.

This customer, however, stormed in a few days later and threw his stuff down on the counter and demanded his money back. Because he bought the product just a few days ago he’s automatically eligible for an exchange or store credit. However, he wouldn’t let our service rep talk. As we tried to work with him he just got angrier and angrier. It can be hard to solve a problem for someone who won’t allow you the basic courtesy of speech.

Finally the man exclaimed that he is “a merchant in this town!” Whatever that is supposed to mean. Then he said he’s calling his lawyer. Then he said, “You guys do business on the internet, right? Well my son is an engineer at Microsoft!!!” and stomped out the front door. As the webmaster here, this comment caught the corner of my ear. Just what in the hell is that supposed to mean? I took it as a veiled threat against our web site.

Wow. It must be a lot of fun being that man. I may tend to be a bit negative, but I try to start every human interaction with the benefit of the doubt. Even if I’m angry I’ll see how I’m treated and I’ll be nice until I’m given a reason to behave otherwise.

This guy was obviously angry because his widget wasn’t working out for some reason. What that reason might be, we may never know. We were never provided with that information.

I hope this grumpy old man finds some sort of happiness before he croaks. It can’t be much fun going through life as a flaming douchebag.

Oh yeah, we were just served with his credit card dispute. It seems he is contesting the charge through his credit card company. Interestingly enough he states in his dispute, “product not as stated.” Huh? Nothing was stated. He took the thing off a shelf and bought it. Dumb ass.


The Gerbil Strikes Back

Um, yeah. It has come to my attention that I'm your father. Any room for negotiation on that?

Episode 99, THE GERBIL STRIKES BACK: It is a dark time for Parental Forces. Although The Key to The Nest has been reclaimed, the Rebellion, led by The Gerbil, has continued its onslaught unabated.

Using daytime nocturnalism powers, the Gerbil has established a hidden rebel base to engage Parental units in an ongoing campaign of terror and harassment.

Emboldened by a strange phenomenon known as a “job,” the Gerbil is seeking to stockpile vital supplies of cigarettes, energy drinks and drugs while continuing to avoid all forms of responsibility…

Alrighty, then. Where were we? Oh yes. The gerbil had obtained a job and had even voluntarily chosen to hand over the source of his powers, The Key. (The key to our house.)

First up, the “job.” Yes, through absolutely no effort on the part of the gerbil, he had obtained a job. We had previously tried log sheets where the gerbil was to document his job hunting efforts. After weeks had gone by, the sheet amassed two or three entries of gerbil scrawl with the names of establishments where the gerbil had submitted applications. The entries turned out to be lies, however. Then the gerbil claimed to have emailed applications to a few other jobs. A check of the “sent folder” revealed these were also lies. It seems the gerbil would leave no stone unturned in his efforts to embrace total hedonism and avoid all possible forms of responsibility.

Finally, though, he ended up helping a relative of ours at her place of employment. She took a little pity on him and gave him odd jobs and such out of her own pocket. He was rather rude about this, often not showing up and bothering to call.

Then another other employee at this place of business decided to quit and gave one week notice. They were in a little bit of a bind. Because the gerbil had been hanging around and was already familiar with the operation, the owners gave him a shot. Did he want the job?

Amazingly the gerbil accepted. The job had landed right in his lap to a sufficient degree that the gerbil was willing to give it a try. I guess he figured our anger would know no bounds if he declined. He was right about that.

The first week was iffy and he almost got fired. He was late one day and called in sick on another. Classic. Amazingly, though, to this day, he still has managed to hang onto the job. Inconceivable!

Two things immediately happened. First, the gerbil and our relative decided amongst themselves that our fucking driveway would serve as their personal bus stop. Our relative would pick up the gerbil on the way to work in our driveway. Why in the name of all that’s holy did it have to be our driveway when there is a whole city out there that could serve the same function? I’ll never know!

So every morning now I open the garage door to find our relative’s car in my driveway and blocking my exit. I get to sit and wait while she moves the car so I can go to work. Ever hear of the street? You could park on the curb. I fail to understand why the difference of 15 fucking feet makes a big difference. It just has to be in our driveway. And every day it’s the same routine. Open garage door, she moves her car, I wait. You think it would have dawned on her by now, “Hey. Gee whiz. Park on the street and I won’t have to move the car every time.” Grrrr.

Secondly, every single day this last week, following the return of the key on Sunday, the gerbil has been loitering in our driveway when I return home from work. I open the garage, pull in, then he is in my face. “Can I borrow your phone?” (He has a super fancy phone but never made the payments so it is disconnected.) “Oh, yeah. Can I borrow your mountain bike to get to work?” Like always everything is about what he wants.

His first week after returning the key and we just had five days of gerbil mooching visits. What part of “moving out” don’t you understand?

Lastly, there is one other amusing anecdote to share. The most interesting thing about the gerbil finally landing a job is this – nothing in the physical universe has changed. The gerbil still doesn’t have any money, of course. That would require “not spending” and “saving” acting together in unison. As far as I can tell, the only thing that has changed is that the gerbil now has more energy drinks, more expensive coffee stand drinks, more cigarettes, more alcohol, and (I’m assuming) a lot more drugs. Well whoop-de-frickin-do!

One afternoon this week my wife attempted to engage the gerbil in chit chat. I was not in the room. She wanted to inquire about money and how that was coming along for him. As usual this line of discussion really agitated the little feller. (He owes us about $1,000 by now, money that we desperately need.) I’m told the conversation went a little something like this:

  • Mom: So. How are you doing on saving money now that you have a job?
  • Gerbil: [angrily] You know I don’t have any money!
  • M: Well, I thought with a job you’d …
  • G: No! I don’t have any!
  • M: Well, where is it all going?
  • G: You know I don’t make hardly anything. And every penny I make goes to bills.
  • M: So you’ve been working for weeks now and you don’t have any money?
  • G: [shrieking] What do you want? Do you want to see me swinging from the end of a fucking rope? Is that what you want? I’ve got nothing!
  • M: What? No. God no! Why are you saying things like that?
  • G: [angrily stomps out of our house and slams our front door]

I have dubbed this behavior the “proactive conversation blocking technique.” It is a tactic the gerbil employs often. The gerbil knows that nothing freaks out his mother more than dropping vague and angry little suicidal hints. Or, as in this case, not so vague. “Swinging from the end of a rope” is pretty frickin’ clear. So he employs this little tactic and the discussion he finds so uncomfortable is over and he usually follows up with storming out of the house.

I can only hope stuff like this keeps going and going and going and never ends so I’ll always have something to write about. Yeah, that would be good.

My list of top five angry songs

Shouts go out to Jane at Theycallmejane’s Blog for the idea that prompted this post. She recently wrote about the Top 20 Songs Played on her iPod and one of them was an “angry song.” I’ve been thinking about making this list ever since. 🙂

I know it is hard to believe but there are days when I feel angry. Angry! I have a nice sound system in my car, so I roll up the windows (I’m no poser) and pump up the volume. I like a song I can feel pounding in my chest, one that jiggles the world behind me as my rear-view mirror bumps and grinds to the music.

The criteria for this list is simple. The song has to move with a nice up-tempo beat. It has to be a song I already listen to on a regular basis. It has to be a song I really like. It has to have harsh abrasive guitars and heavy bass beats that knock the wind out of me. And it has to be something that really gets me going when I’m angry. Some minor bonus points might also be awarded if the song is extra sick or creepy in some special way.

Picking only five and ranking them is hard. Damn hard. And I know I’m forgetting some. These are simply the ones that came to mind as I sit here knocking back shots of Hornitos Tequila on a Saturday night.

Note: Song information can be clicked to listen on YouTube (where available).

5. Still – Geto Boys
I wouldn’t even know about this song if it wasn’t for the movie “Office Space.” Mike Judge, for that I thank you. The lyrics feature “Die muthafuckas!” ad infinitum and the following little nugget of joy (which guarantees this song instant cult status on my list): “Back up in your ass with the resurrection – Is the group harder than an erection – That shows no affection.”

4. Bodies – Drowning Pool
Just a killer tune. Due to the thumpin’ sounds I was forced to rank it higher than the honorable mentions listed below.

3. Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting – Nickelback
Elton John version? More cute than angry. Nickelback version? Quite nice and one that prompts me to sing along until I damage my vocal chords. Nickelback’s version thrashes better than the original and contains some subtle tweaks to the lyrics that kick it up a notch. “I could use a little muscle to get what I need, I’ll drink a fifth of jack and scream out – She’s with me!” This CD is always in my car so this song gets a lot of play.

2. Killing in the Name Of – Rage Against The Machine
I think it is safe to say any song with 16 or more f-bombs is always going to have a good chance of making the cut. This song brings the f-bombs and so much more. I have mentioned this song in a previous post.

Honorable mention for another Rage Against The Machine song: Wake Up. (This is the song played during the closing credits for The Matrix.)

1. The Game – Disturbed
On another web site we played a little game.  The premise: If you could pick one song to take with you on a deserted island, angry or not, to listen to over and over again, what would it be? This song was my pick. It pretty much has it all – angry lyrics, killer vocals, and it sounds great. I never get tired of it.

Honorable mention for another Disturbed song that almost made the cut: Violence Fetish. (Bring the violence!)

Honorable Mentions
These favorites of mine didn’t make the cut, mostly because they don’t have quite the same edginess or another crucial ingredient, but they still rock. They are listed in no particular order.

Angry Christmas wallpaper

I’m at work (so this will be brief) and I’m in one of my moods. Long story short, I wanted new wallpaper on my computer. I thought about it for a second then punched into Google Image Search the phrase: angry christmas wallpaper

I didn’t find anything suitably angry. But I stopped my search when I came across the following image. I like it. A lot. So I thought I’d take a minute and share it. Click the image to visit the original context on the site where I found it (and get the hi-res version).