Tag Archives: andy

The Crustacean

martian-2Spoiler alert: For astronaut Mark Whatney, former Martian, it was a bad trip. Upon his safe return to terra firma he tossed his helmet away, breathed deeply and said, “Fuck space.”

He was still an adventurer, though, so two years later was exploring the depths of the deepest oceans on Earth when he was accidentally left behind.

There he was forced to grow seaweed and sea cucumbers and survive on oxygen he derived from shells and Bunsen burners.

Mark Whatney had become The Crustacean.

I won’t spoil that ending, either, but he did eventually return to space travel.

Venus: Whatney daringly visits the second planet in our solar system and his faceplate is briefly blown loose during an EVA. Yes, you guessed it. He becomes The Venetian Blinded.

His eyesight eventually returned and he went on to visit Uranus, but I have absolutely nothing to say about that trip.

Rap Sheet: Joaquin will rise again Phoenix

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Game over, man. The cat is out of the bag. We now know that the Joaquin Phoenix rapper thing – the whole thing – and the movie I’m Still Here was a “hoax.” Remember Joaquin’s appearance on the David Letterman show? Letterman wasn’t in on it. Ouchies!

Twitter guru Roger Ebert has all of the fascinating details. According to Ebert the movie should be considered a work of fiction which means that Phoenix could be eligible for an Academy Award nomination. (Assuming, of course, that his performance so dictates.)

I haven’t seen the movie but my wife and I both like Joaquin so we’ll probably check it out.

Why do I get the feeling that this movie was born of an idea discussed over drinks where someone said, “You know what would be funny? Pretend that Joaquin drops out of acting to become a rapper. That would be hilarious! Then we could make a documentary about it.”

Someone else then presumably said, “I agree! That is one hella of a good idea!”

“Let’s do it!”


One thing is certain. I have little doubt that Andy Kaufman would have loved it. A lot.