Likeotomy
Doctors performing likeotomy on a volunteer subject.
A reading from the book of Demotivational Dictionary:
likeotomy |līˈkätəmē|
noun (pl. likeotomies) [ usu. in sing. ]
usage of the “favorite” button on tweets about my lobotomy: too bad you are now unable to grok the likeotomy I gave you.
A reading from the book of Demotivational Dictionary.
I’m pretty much a collector of likes. Feel free to share one of your own. I always appreciate them. I think.
[I] want to say thank you to you. I haven’t had an orthodox career and I’ve wanted more than anything to have your respect. The first time I didn’t feel it, but this time I feel it. And I can’t deny the fact that you like me. Right now, you like me! Thank you.
–Sally Fields, March 25, 1985
Sally Field about to bludgeon a cretin who failed to favorite her tweet.
Thank you, Ms. Fields. That’s exactly how I feel each and every time one of my tweets gets a star on the Twitter Walk of Shame. I’ve personally counted more visits by Halley’s Comet, though.
It works like this: You see a tweet you like (or some other masturbatory form of social media expression) and you like it. So you click the little icon that means favorite, like, upvote, star and/or what not. What’s so hard to understand about that?!
It turns out that “like” is sometimes the wrong tone.
“My father molested me every single day until I was eight years old.”
Do you think, somehow, that “like” seems misplaced here?
Roots Of The Turd
Source: serenadraws.
I have already achieved greatness. I’m the inventor of the phrase “Roots Of The Turd.” (Copyright © 2013 Tom B. Taker Video Productions. All rights reserved.) I googled it so it must be true. It’s mine. All mine! The phrase would not exist if I did not exist. My work here is done.
I’m not one to rest on my laurels, though, so I’ll expand on the phrase just a teensy bit.
The Wikipedia page on Karl Rove does not contain the word “turd.” True story! And yet, somehow, I know that “Turd Blossom” was the affectionate name given by George W. Bush to the man that made his presidency a reality.
Wikipedia does come through with a definition of the term itself:
“Turd Blossom” (or Sand Turd) is a Texan term for a flower which grows from a pile of cow dung.
Source: Wikipedia – Turd Blossom
As we will see, the name is fitting in more ways than one. It’s time to take true facts and get the Guru’s opinion of them. This is first in an ongoing series I’m going to call Roots Of The Turd.
Continue reading →
Rick Perry is so Very
Rick Perry hadn’t officially announced his candidacy in time for my recent post about presidental wanna be logos.
I’d wager that he and his staff have been beating themselves up ever since.
So he’s late to the party. I guess that makes him special or some kind of attention whore. “Hey, look at me. I’m late!” The question remains, however: Was his lateness “fashionable” or just boorish?
I hear he even took attention from Michele Bachmann straw poll dancing. That certainly isn’t very gentlemanly behavior.
Well, whatever. His logo is here now. I grabbed a screen shot from his official website. The time has finally come to scrutinize it past the point of no return.
Right off the bat I notice the color scheme. Here we see the common “red, white and blue” theme that has frankly, in my view, become rather gauche and stale. Is there a candidate out there willing to avoid the cliche so overused that by now it is rather hackneyed?
Obviously that mold-breaker is not Rick Perry.
By the way, if I run for president, I’ve already decided on blue/green as my color scheme.
So what else can we glean?
The Oval – Obviously this represents the office that he wants. But is there something more to it than that? I googled “oval symbolism” and learned that, according to some insane experts on the net, the oval is a “satanic mark of approval.” (The word “oval” is even found in the word “approval.” Get it?) On the other hand, I also learned that an oval can be known as the “egg” and represents Easter, the Resurrection of Jesus, and, more generally, birth, renewal and rebirth. If I ran for president? I’d probably go with an obtuse triangle.
Words – Only two words. “Perry” and “President.” Short and sweet. Oh the arrogance! With only two words, Perry ties the record of least words used in 2012 presidential logos. He shares the record with “Rick Santorum” and “Pawlenty 2012” and “Newt 2012.” However, it should be noted that if you omit the website address, Barack Obama’s logo holds the record at only one word – “2012” – making him the most narcissistic of all. If I ran for president? My logo would simply say: “The.” Yeah, I like that.
Fonts – Interesting that although there are only two words, there are also two fonts used. One with serifs and one without. This seems rather wasteful to me. Apparently under Rick Perry we will be subjected to one font per word used, and that reeks of inefficiency and waste. This is the typographical equivalent of speaking with a forked tongue. Danger Will Robinson! If I ran for president? I would promise to use only one font. And that one font would be Trebuchet MS because that font is named after a medieval weapon, motherfuckers.
Visual – It looks a lot like a “gel” button found on the internet. Does Perry want us to vote for him or click “add to cart?” Also, the design is reminiscent of a horizon dividing sky and ground. The “sky” is blue. Thank God for that! At least we’re tossed a little bone. But the “ground” is blood red. And that worries me. Is Perry looking to do a little pruning on the tree of liberty? I’ll be honest. I’m not in the mood for any pruning right now. If I ran for president? My visual would be a child’s alphabet block, because we can always use some more of that.
Background – That blue background has subtle “rays” shooting out. I know I’ve seen that same background somewhere else, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. I know I’ve seen it before! It’s probably ripped right out of a playbook or something. Someone help me out on this one.
Conclusion – A workable logo but one with many warning signs. Obama still wins with Romney and Perry tied for second place, at least as far as logos are concerned.
Shouts from the Abyss 
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