Tag Archives: airquotes

Where There’s A Will

Stop, gather round and listen!

Stop, gather round and listen!

I find myself thinking about recent comments by George F. Will regarding the topic of rape. Don’t worry. I have a barf bag handy. Thank you for your concern.

First, I have to ponder: How much consideration are you supposed to give comments from a grown man in a bow tie?

In case you missed it, much of the social media world has been in an uproar because Will wrote a piece that implied being the victim of rape and/or sexual assault is now a “coveted status.” (If you’re curious to know more you can google it up. You’ll likely find more information than was lost in the Library of Alexandria.)

For his part, the very next day Will was quippishly waxing poetic that “intellectual whiplash” from “crimson liberals” is an “occupational hazard.” Oh, boo hoo! Yes, he’s saying he’s the pundit equivalent of Emperor Palpatine. “Everything is proceeding exactly as I have foreseen.” And no, these aren’t Will-ish air quotes, these are damn real quotes.

Ah, to be insulted by such a wordsmith. I was going to be offended but then I noticed the elegant use of language. You! Now I’m just happy about it. What an exhibition of rapier-like wit. Why, what a privilege and honor to be skewered by the likes of you!
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Dear Guru: Mood is a thing for cattle

dearguru

And now a continuation of the non-award winning Q&A series we like to call Dear Guru. -Ed.

Q.
Dear Guru,

Like you, I run a “blog.” Like you, I try to post every single day. No matter what. But today I strangely find myself not in the mood.

What should I do?

Signed,

Blog Blocked

A.
Dear Blockhead,

Mood is a thing for cattle, you idiot! You blog when the necessity arises—no matter the mood! (Mad props to Gurney Halleck.)

When I find myself in that situation I usually pump out something super lame, like an advice column, and hope that no one notices. The important thing is to use some words.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go stroke my baliset.

Love,

Your Guru