Foods With Benefits
Food has been sleeping around with your stomach and no condoms have ever been involved. It’s like a 60’s love fest in your belly. Groovy, baby.
It turns out that the human stomach isn’t that discriminating. It’s a go-with-the-flow kind of hipster dufus (probably wearing a fedora) who blindly trusts decisions made by the brain and mouth. Ha ha ha! Like they give a shit about downstream organs!
Tom’s Law #42
As one becomes less involved in the production and preparing of one’s own food, the odds of unwanted contaminants, unknown ingredients, lessened nutrition, deception and malice are exponentially increased.
Chew on that!
For example, the average fast food patron eats an average of 12 public hairs per year. And probably in a public place! Some things are meant to be handled in pubic.
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McRib: Let us pray
Philosophical question of the day: Shouldn’t all food be McRibbed for her pleasure?
Quick, someone get me a McBib, because I’m about to mow down on some McRib. Six weeks only and then McRib goes away! This is not a drill. Alert level: Elevated. To the McRibmobile!
Um, wait a second. What is a McRib, anyway?
Let us start by viewing McRib the way McDonald’s wants us to. Here’s the official page promoting the McRib. (No shortage of hype on this site, eh?) McDonald’s also created a web site (now defunct) for “The Boneless Pig Farmers of America.” BPFAA. No shit. Who comes up with this stuff? Here’s a static screen shot of the defunct web site.
Next let us go about undressing a McRib. Such a delicious idea. For the photo spread of a completely naked McRib click here: Fast Food Facts.
OK, who’s still with me? 🙂
Here’s the ingredients in a McRib:
McRib Pork Patty:
Pork, water, salt, dextrose, BHA and BHT and propyl gallate and citric acid (preservatives).
Enriched flour (bleached wheat flour, malted barley flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), water, yeast, high fructose corn syrup, contains 2% or less of the following: yellow corn meal, salt, partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oils, canola oil, soybean oil, dextrose, sugar, calcium sulfate, cultured wheat flour, wheat gluten, ammonium sulfate, monocalcium phosphate, ammonium chloride, cellulose gum, diastatic malt, calcium carbonate, soy flour, deactivated dry yeast, dough conditioners (may contain one or more of the following: ascorbic acid, enzymes, sodium stearoyl lactylate, azodicarbonamide, calcium peroxide, guar gum, distilled monoglycerides, DATEM, mono- and diglycerides, ethoxylated mono- and diglycerides, calcium stearoyl lactylate), calcium propionate and sodium propionate (preservatives), soy lecithin.
CONTAINS: WHEAT AND SOY.
Water, high fructose corn syrup, tomato paste, distilled vinegar, molasses, natural smoke flavor (plant source), food starch-modified, salt, spices, sugar, soybean oil, xanthan gum, onion and garlic powder, sodium benzoate (preservative), caramel color, beet powder, corn oil.
Cucumbers, water, distilled vinegar, salt, calcium chloride, alum, potassium sorbate (preservative), natural flavors (plant source), polysorbate 80, extractives of turmeric (color).
OK, who’s still with me? 🙂
The patty itself contains “pork.” Why do I feel there is so much more behind that one little word? And what the hell is the rest of that stuff?
Holy shit, check out those buns! (Something I’m often heard to say.) That’s a lot of ingredients. Sounds delicious.
Even the frickin’ pickles have a surprising list of extra stuff. I guess normal pickles don’t have a long enough shelf life for the McDonald’s supply chain. How long are these pickles supposed to last? Through the next two nuclear wars? Wow.
Nutrition information for a McRib (partial list): 500 calories, 240 calories from fat, 26 grams total fat, 10 grams saturated fat, 70 mg cholesterol, 980 mg sodium, 44 grams carbohydrates. Source: McDonald’s.
According to Snopes.com, chicken nuggets have been made with “all white meat” rather than MSP (mechanically separated poultry) since 2003. For more about MSM (Mechanically Separated Poultry) visit Wikipedia.
What’s really in that “pork” in a McRib? And how is it made? I’m not sure. I couldn’t find anything conclusive on the web. No matter what’s in there, though, trust me. It wouldn’t surprise me much.
For a fun little diversion that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with McRib, check out this video from Jamie Oliver, who is starting to grow on me just a little bit.
I guess the basic question is: Why do Americans care so little about what they stick in their face? Should we ponder what McDonald’s is serving or just chow it down without thought? Putting my trust in McDonald’s is not something I’m really prepared to do.
About trust, remember that the McDonald’s “Monopoly” promotion, which has been around since 1987, was gamed for five years by individuals within the company McDonald’s hired to administer the contest. Says Wikipedia:
In 2000, the US promotion was halted after fraud was uncovered. A subcontracting company called Simon Marketing (a then-subsidiary of Cyrk), which has been hired by McDonald’s to organize and promote the game, failed to recognize a flaw in its procedures, and the chief of security, Jerome P. Jacobson, was able to remove the “most expensive” game pieces, which he then passed to associates who would redeem them and share the proceeds. The associates “won” almost all of the top prizes between 1995 and 2000, including McDonald’s giveaways that did not have the Monopoly theme. The associates “netted” over $24 million. The scheme was uncovered when one of the participants informed on its ringleaders to the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
And didn’t McDonald’s just run this promotion again this year? Do not pass go, do not collect $200. (I’m assuming this year’s game was legit and administered by a different company.) Things that make me go, “Hmmm. Fuck you.”
It’s dinner time. Time to pray. (For more reasons than one.)
Dear Lord, thanks for this food we are about to eat. Pass the potatoes and pass the meat. Amen!