Tag Archives: achievement

Shouts From The Abyss wins Hall of Fame

golden-poopMEDIA RELEASE

Shouts From The Abyss blog selected to the Shouts From The Abyss Hall of Fame

By Tom B. Taker
November 6, 2013

Abyssia City, The Abyss – After nauseating audiences continually since September, 2009, the Shouts From The Abyss (SFTA) blog is the 2013 selection to the Shouts From The Abyss Hall of Fame. This is the first nomination for the blog. This is the inaugural year for the Hall of Fame itself.

The selection committee, consisting solely of blogger Tom B. Taker, cast the deciding ballot for SFTA. The vote was unanimous.

Blog publisher, Tom B. Taker, was visibility shaken upon hearing the news. “You love me,” he said to himself. “You really love me.”

In a short ceremony in an undisclosed office/bedroom, Taker appeared in his underwear to accept the award. He was accompanied by two cats, El Guapo Picard Tutankhamun Taker and Tilly Taker.

Initially Taker refused the award, stating repeatedly, “I didn’t do it” and referred to his policy that prohibits acceptance of anything imported from Nigeria. He eventually capitulated, though, and proudly accepted the traditional Golden Poop of the Abyss. He then angrily yelled “get out” bringing the festivities to a close. No legitimate media attended the event.

A spokesperson for the Hall of Fame selection committee later announced that the program is being disbanded. Taker will be given 14 days to surrender the award.


Tom B. Taker, Media Relations
C/O Shouts From The Abyss Hall of Fame
1212 Sewertown Rd. Ste. SQRT(-1)
Office: Food Cart


My Olympic Movement

Image Source: Poop The World Blog

Always eager in my quest to be a furry little lemming, I’ve decided to microblog the Olympics. I have my microbeer in hand. I am microready! (That sounds suspiciously like popcorn. Oh well, such is my fate.) Grab your butter flavoring. It’s go time.

This is my Olympic movement. Or, as I sometimes like to call it, a Movement for the Common Man.

I’m sure most of my reader have evacuated by now. Looks like it’s just gonna be you and me.

So, what is/are the Olympics? Perhaps the simplest definition (and the one found in the Demotivational Dictionary) is: an average throng observing and celebrating the spectacle of their own outliers.

Wikipedia says, “In statistics, an outlier is an observation that is numerically distant from the rest of the data. Grubbs defined an outlier as: An outlying observation, or outlier, is one that appears to deviate markedly from other members of the sample in which it occurs.”

In other words, the Olympics are the sporting version of the universe telling you, “On the bell curve you’re the dingle dangle that hangs down on the bottom. The cling clang thingie that gives the bell it’s special sound.”

Yes, without the average, the outliers would have nothing to outlie from to set themselves apart. Think about it. That’s perhaps the deepest thing I’ve ever said. It’s an outlier of thought.

In other other words, the Olympics are all about watching the select few who have won something known as the DNA Lotto.
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M is for Milestone

Hide & Seek… 997 … 998 … 999 … 1,000! Ready or not, here I come!

Hey, where did everyone go? You mean I’ve been all by myself this whole time? Wow. Who knew?

Yes, I’m as subtle as always. No doubt you can tell by now: This is my 1,000th blog post!

Yeah! Exciting, isn’t it? “M” is the Roman numeral for 1,000. I get it. Clever. Mildly. Erm, whatever. Okay, now what?

Humans sure do love counting things, don’t they? 1,000 posts? That’s almost as interesting as how many rotations around the sun you’ve lived.
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Dreams can come true!

I just checked and this is confirmed. I shit you not!

As of today, right now, I own the WordPress “poop” tag! I’m so happy! I mean, just look up there and marvel at it. WordPress says that right now, I am the “featured blog” on the subject of poop! Somebody pinch me! I’ve reached the top of the heap, and I can tell you, it is good.

This is not a drill!

I’ve wanted this so bad I could taste it. It’s been a goal for so long, now that it has been achieved I’m not quite sure how to feel. Yes, it’s great, don’t get me wrong, but now what? I’ve never actually met a goal before. What is this strange feeling called? Someone, help me please! What comes next???

Don’t be a turd. Help me celebrate!