The new gold card’s here! The new gold card’s here! I’m somebody now! Millions of people look at this card every day! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity, your name in print, that makes people. I’m in print! Things are going to start happening to me now.
I walked confidently into the corner coffee shop. I got in line and waited a quarter hour. Finally it was my turn. I cleverly placed my order. “I’ll have a chestnut praline latte with a twist. Shaken, not stirred. Make it a grande.” I whipped the gold card out of my camouflage wallet and presented it to the barista. Light from the trendy overhead track lighting reflected and momentarily blinded her. “The name’s Taker. Tom B. Taker.”
Several women in the vicinity immediately swooned and removed their tops. Decisions, decisions.
Continue reading →
If you invest your suckance
Slyly with a skank
Like a ship run aground
More rewarding than invested in a bank
It will fail to astound
A wallet violently oppressed
And you’ll feel it each time they molest
As your effluence stickily expands
Deftly in the hands
Of the directors
Who invest your liquidity per their horny little glans
So yeah, there was that time I put thousands of dollars in a savings account with that “American” multinational bank. You know the one. Their logo is a red, white and blue
flag credit card. Because nothing is more quintessentially American than, “I want it now. I’ll pay for it with credit.” Hey, let’s make our logo a credit card. That’ll show ’em what we’re really about.
And we fall for it.
Continue reading →
It’s a plot that even Quentin Tarantino could never think of: Eat a popsicle and get suffocated in a box.
That same witness also told police, “She saw Cynthia force Ame to eat dog feces” as punishment for not cleaning up all the dog feces near their clothesline.
Police also reported that one of Ame’s aunts, Samantha Allen, “eventually confessed to putting hot sauce in Ame’s mouth, hitting her with [a paddle called the] Butt Buster, and putting her in the box as a disciplinary measure.”
Want proof that we’re all doomed? Here it sits.
I just came across this story and instantly almost popped a blood vessel. What in the name of holy fuckshit is going on with the world???
I’ve thought it over for a couple of minutes and I think I have an answer.
NO ONE IS EVER HELD TO FULL ACCOUNT
What do I mean by “full account?” It’s simple. It’s the idea that the punishment can never equal what the victim went through. The victim can never made whole.
Make someone eat dog shit and kill them in a box? The “best” we can ever hope for is a nice, clean death. No dog shit. No suffocation. The reality, though, is that it’s probable even that won’t happen. The vast majority of evil in the world goes completely unpunished. In the rare case someone has to actually pay for what they have done, it is never enough.
By that definition, there can never truly be justice. Only a mere shadow of an attempt.
It works a little something like this: Be a flaming moron. Be a thoughtless jackass. Act totally on impulse your entire life initiating a progression that escalates over time. Why does it escalate? Because no one ever holds you to account.
Your whole life you’ve never been taken to task. In the remote possibility that someone even tried, you managed to weasel out. Maybe you got away with some lies. Maybe you pathetically begged and pleased and were shown forgiveness. Maybe you told some sob story about how other people were depending on you.
Whatever. Once you were let off the hook you learned a valuable lesson about how the world worked. You learned you could get away with it. It may be the only lesson you ever really learned in life, but you learned it well.
Maybe you were shown mercy with all the best intentions in the world. The road to Hell is paved with those good intentions.
For some people real learning never takes place until a sufficient level of pain is reached. And that level of pain is never reached any more. At least not until it’s too late for the innocent.
Now the game begins. The crying. The pleading. The sincere blubberings of “I didn’t mean it” and “I wanted to do something to stop it” and such. And the legal maneuvering. All the wheels of “justice” are about to kick into high gear.
Make a little girl eat dog shit? You need to fucking die. But we don’t have that punishment, do we?
Attention humans: I am not one of you! No fucking way.