Blogger’s Message: The Cheer In Review
Artist’s rendition of my smile.
Mr. Editor, Mr. Blogger’s Apprentice (unpaid), members of the WordPress community, fellow Abyssians, dear reader:
I am happy. I am elated. I am full of good cheer.
Yes, it has been a banner year for negativity. The future is so bright I have to wear shades. Just make sure the lenses are made out of lead to stop the radiation.
To my apprentice, let me say this: Make no mistake, I need another trenta caramel frappuccino with whipped cream. Go get me one.
In short, there’s good news on every possible horizon. Hyppo and Critter have made up and are getting along famously. The Guru on the top of the mountain is only giving out good advice. Our son has outgrown his gerbil phase and is treating us decently. Hell, I’ve even forgiven my #boss and we kissed and made up. There is no pain. I am not crying.
Abyss Love Songs hashtag What What
I’ve learned that Twitter is the perfect place to hide my most intimate thoughts with little risk of them ever being discovered. Fiendishly clever, eh? For some time I’ve been using Twitter to send out long distance dedications using the hashtag #AbyssLoveSongs. No one ever suspected a thing.
Let’s tune in and take a listen to the chilled, ambient grooves of Young Guru in Love, shall we?
I Got Wipes #AbyssLoveSongs
I Want To Eat Your Bran #AbyssLoveSongs
Don’t Bring A Strife To A Fun Fight #AbyssLoveSongs
All I Wanna Do Is A Shroom Shroom #AbyssLoveSongs
Another One Rides The Truss #AbyssLoveSongs
Be My Shover #AbyssLoveSongs
Saturday Night’s Alright For Biting #AbyssLoveSongs
Dangers In The Night #AbyssLoveSongs
Born To Be Mild #AbyssLoveSongs
Snub Will Keep Us Together #AbyssLoveSongs
You’ll Never Wok Alone #AbyssLoveSongs
I’m No Excited #AbyssLoveSongs
You’ve Got A Fiend #AbyssLoveSongs
What Part Of Ho Don’t You Understand #AbyssLoveSongs #AbyssChristmasSongs #holiday
Everybody Regret Now #AbyssLoveSongs
Come Flail Away #AbyssLoveSongs
Does Anybody Really Know What Slime It Is #AbyssLoveSongs
Where Did You Peep Last Night #AbyssLoveSongs
It’s My Bacardi I’ll Fry If I Want To #AbyssLoveSongs
In The Middle Of The Spite #AbyssLoveSongs
Sweet Child In Brine #AbyssLoveSongs
Welcome To The Fungal #AbyssLoveSongs
Bit Me Baby One More Time #AbyssLoveSongs
Hitch A Snide #AbyssLoveSongs
Can’t Guile Without You #AbyssLoveSongs
Return To Blender #AbyssLoveSongs
We Will Block You #AbyssLoveSongs
RT @Metalworks4: @shoutabyss #AbyssLoveSongs Whole Lotta Glove (as sung by a proctologist)
LARP Dressed Man #AbyssLoveSongs
You’re The One That I Taunt #AbyssLoveSongs
Afternoon Be Fright #AbyssLoveSongs
Don’t Go Staking My Heart #AbyssLoveSongs #vampiric
Ring Of Ire #AbyssLoveSongs
I Want To Hold Your Gland #AbyssLoveSongs
When I Kneed You #AbyssLoveSongs
Put Your Head On My Sleepy Hollow #AbyssLoveSongs
Survivor: Abyss Island – The Dead Reonion Show Part Duh
At long last, here it is. Finally, the wait is over. The Survivor: Abyss Island reunion show has arrived. The production team was been hard at work crunching the audio. We apologize it took a few extra days. It’s a dirty thankless job and many hours of blather were left on the cutting room floor. (This is the part where you thank me. This shit could have been longer.)
This is part two of the world famous audio interview.
Make the shark jump for the link.
Survivor: Abyss Island – The Dead Reonion Show (Audio!)
At long last, here it is. Finally, the wait is over. The Survivor: Abyss Island reunion show has arrived. The production team was been hard at work crunching the audio. We apologize it took a few extra days. It’s a dirty thankless job and many hours of blather were left on the cutting room floor. (This is the part where you thank me. This shit could have been longer.)
Following 39 grueling days on the island, my host/wife thought it would be a good idea to interview me proving, once again, her host powers went completely to her head. Like a freshly broken down cabazon filet I was grilled for 40 whopping minutes until I was crisp and completely blackened. I was too afraid to say no.
My wife even solicited questions from “fans” of the show. Poor lost souls.
Wearing only my tribe buff and a Survivor shot glass repeatedly full of tequila, my wife wisely got me mostly hammered before going all 60 Minutes on my ass. The interview lasted an interminable 40 minutes and has been broken into two parts. At the bottom of this post is a link to part one of the audio interview.
Make the shark jump for the link.
Abyss Island: Taking Inventory
There are pros and cons to everything, I guess. On one hand I’m stranded alone, a forgotten castaway, forced to live on nothing but beans and rice. On the other hand, there is reduced competition for my parking spot. (meekly) Yeah, me.
So here we are. Day 36. Only three more days to go. Rather than wasting my time doing tai chi on the beach, I thought I’d take a few minutes out of my busy schedule to catch you up on the comings and goings of the indigenous peoples on Abyss Island.
Joy for you. Yet another post where I talk about myself. Who said this blog doesn’t have a theme? It’s me! Me, me, me and an extra serving of me! And me for dessert with sprinkles on top.
That’s just sick, really.
Let’s approach cautiously lest we startle the beast.
Last we heard our intrepid Survivor had won a reward challenge…
Continue reading →
Survivor: Abyss Island – Day 1 Recap
Survivor Day 1: “It Consumes The Nourishment Or It Gets The Hose.”
My idea was a simple one: Eat like a Survivor for 39 days and get a wee taste of what the food situation is like on the hit TV show.
I’m halfway through Day 2 and I can tell you this: Yowza! This is no small thing.
My food yesterday consisted of rice, kidney beans, raw coconut and banana. With no salt. (That’s a biggie.) And I fell 500 calories short of my 1,500 calories per day goal.
But that wasn’t the worst of it.
I made the classic Survivor blunder. I neglected the social game.
In other words, I had no idea what my wife had lying in wait. The Host with the Most has turned my little experiment into something bigger than I expected.
I’m afraid.
Continue reading →
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