In Brevity: Shitter #RIPTwitter

How Twitter really worksChuckling to myself, I went on Twitter and wrote a tweet. I cleverly included a hashtag and clicked the “Tweet” button. Damn, but I’m funny.

I was now a content producer. Please, no autographs.

Excited, I clicked the hashtag which had magically transformed into a link to bask in the glory of my newfound celebrity status.

My eyes scanned the page. Uh oh, trouble! My tweet was nowhere in sight! “Alas, what’s happened?!” I cried out to the universe.

Long story short, the Twitter search results page had defaulted to its “Top” view.

Problem: You’ve got a mountain of data but what good is it? That’s where programmer ejaculation rides in like John Wayne to save the day. Solution: Algorithm.

The top view uses that dreaded beast, the algorithm, to put content in something other than its natural order. Some tweets get higher priority and more visibility. Some tweets, namely yours, get the shaft.

Welcome to the Darwinism of social media. Or, as I like to call it, survival of the shittest.

In the blink of an eye my tweet had been deemed unworthy. It didn’t have enough interactions (like retweets and favorites). How could it? It had never been seen. The poor little bastard was doomed from the moment I birthed it.

brevity-isMy tweet didn’t have “velocity.” It didn’t exceed “beyond expectations.” It just sort of laid there like a dead fish. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. And death rattle.

In that moment of pure realization and utter despair, what could I do? What would you do? My hand shaking uncontrollably, I moved the mouse over to the “Live” button and clicked.

What is Live? That’s the Twitter way of saying, “Here’s other shit that you DO NOT WANT.” It’s tweet results for your search term sorted first. It’s raw.

Guess what? My tweet wasn’t there, either. With visibility that good I decided to hang myself. That’s when things went black and my memory gets spotty.

Today Twitter announced that all views will begin working this exact same way. All tweets will be subjected to algorithms.

Ever go on Facebook trying to find something you saw before only to fail spectacularly? You’ll die before you ever see it again. Algorithm. That’s the Facebook way.

Soon that same phenomenon will be my entire social media presence. It sure was nice not knowin’ y’all.

16 responses

  1. I couldn’t agree more. You worded it so well and that pic!!! All you say is one reason Living Dilbert thinks I can never have a successful book. However, some celebrity could write a book about (pardon me) taking a shit and get a book deal! I love your pith, wit and brilliance, my friend!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s always okay to use that word here, my friend.


  2. Deborah the Closet Monster | Reply

    Wow. Twitter: the new Facebook for people who couldn’t get enough at the original site. (To my knowledge, this is in the single digits.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As a drooling narcissist, I signed up for all the social media sites. Of course I did. Facebook, Tumblr,, Instagram, good God, even Pinterest! (Shame.) But Twitter is the only one that I ever really used.

      Oh well. It was good while it lasted.

      Who am I kidding?! According to Twitter stats my best day ever was six favorites which is, coincidentally, how far down I want to go.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Deborah the Closet Monster

        I check IG almost daily and Twitter a couple times a week. I’ll miss what Twitter is now, strangely since I’m barely on it, but maybe it’ll be good to be back to bare bones. Hmm.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Say it ain’t so, Joe. The reason I like Twitter is the “real” time shit that happens and I can respond. In the moment. All I can say is it better be an opt-in option otherwise I may have chirped my last chirp. *grin*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great. Even more reason to cry.


  4. Move on folks – – – nothing to see here.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. As we say over here on the island, tru dat.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Has taken the fun out of it that’s for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I don’t even know what most of that means, which is why my Twitter account is a barren cupboard of nothing. I can’t figure out all that shiz to save my life. If I had a clue, I’m sure I would have seen/loved/retweeted your awesome tweet.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. It was bound to happen, but I’m used to being in the Twitter garbage can. I’m always grateful for the “like” you give my posts. It’s one of those “He likes me, he really likes me” moments. *wipes away tear*.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. The Social Media Giveth and the Social Media Taketh Away.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You got that right. They’re not always so nice to those of us down in the salt mines pounding out their content for free.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m writing a post about Google closing down the photo editing program Picasa. Darn Google yanking that free program that many have come to depend on. In many ways I like Picasa better than Photoshop.

        Liked by 1 person

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