The Feel Turd Moment of the Year

Ebony and Ivory.

The holiday season is upon us. This may be a festive time of year but sometimes it’s important to slow down, focus, center, be present, and remember our roots.

For me, today, that means pausing to pay homage to the poop tag.

“Roll the crap. Action!”

Once upon a time a company made a game called Cards Against Humanity. It was mildly cute but a blatant rip of Apples To Apples. They lost points on that.

But now, I’m happy to say they have more than redeemed themselves. The Christmas spirit is very much alive. So much so, you might say that I’ve been moved.

The company that makes the game decided they wanted to protest this year’s “Black Friday.” Right on! I’m with you. You had me at hello.

To that end, they removed all products from their website on the Friday following Thanksgiving. “To help you experience the ultimate savings on Cards Against Humanity this Black Friday, we’ve removed the game from our store, making it impossible to purchase.” Yes!!! Sublime. Well played!

But wait, they weren’t done yet.

In their place they added a single solitary product. It was named “Bullshit.” You complete me!

Long story short, the Bullshit product was offered for $6 and described as “literal feces, from an actual bull” and could be used to “fertilize your garden, adorn a festive tree, or surprise a loved one with the gift of poop.”

In a brilliantly prescient stroke of genius, they actually made 30,000 of these products in advance.

In an ill-advised bit of good sportsmanship, the founder of the company even tweeted a warning: “If you buy the poop expecting it to be something else that’s not poop, you’re actually buying a valuable life lesson for $6.” No doubt a bargain at any price.

Cue the theme song from the movie Idiocracy because we all know what happened next.

Yup. They sold out.

Another Cinderella story of magic brought to you courtesy of the American consumer.

No word if expedited shipping was available. Push it real good!

News media is now reporting that the boxes “have been rolling in the last week” and some folks have been surprised. Why? Because the boxes contained exactly what was promised. For at least once in the history of American retail a company told the truth. Don’t say they didn’t try to warn you.

Some people had the unmitigated gall to be “surprised.” One guy even made an “unboxing” video that shows him breaking apart the poop looking for the hidden meaning within. Hint: There was none. Subtlety is entirely wasted on him. (Get it? Wasted? Ha ha ha!)

And now, without further ado, roll the crap.  Merry Christmas to all! Dreams can come true! I’ve never felt so alive!