Doctors performing likeotomy on a volunteer subject.

A reading from the book of Demotivational Dictionary:

likeotomy |līˈkätəmē|

noun (pl. likeotomies) [ usu. in sing. ]

usage of the “favorite” button on tweets about my lobotomy: too bad you are now unable to grok the likeotomy I gave you.

A reading from the book of Demotivational Dictionary.

I’m pretty much a collector of likes. Feel free to share one of your own. I always appreciate them. I think.

[I] want to say thank you to you. I haven’t had an orthodox career and I’ve wanted more than anything to have your respect. The first time I didn’t feel it, but this time I feel it. And I can’t deny the fact that you like me. Right now, you like me! Thank you.
–Sally Fields, March 25, 1985

Sally Field about to bludgeon who failed to favorite a tweet.

Sally Field about to bludgeon a cretin who failed to favorite her tweet.

Thank you, Ms. Fields. That’s exactly how I feel each and every time one of my tweets gets a star on the Twitter Walk of Shame. I’ve personally counted more visits by Halley’s Comet, though.

It works like this: You see a tweet you like (or some other masturbatory form of social media expression) and you like it. So you click the little icon that means favorite, like, upvote, star and/or what not. What’s so hard to understand about that?!

It turns out that “like” is sometimes the wrong tone.

“My father molested me every single day until I was eight years old.”

Do you think, somehow, that “like” seems misplaced here?

“Like” is binary. You either like or don’t like. You can’t have both. That’s the dichotomy of “like.”

Some online services, like Facebook and Twitter, only give you these two choices. You can click “like” or “favorite” or you can not click. That’s it. A total of two states of expression.

not-to-decideI feel a Rush song coming on. You have free will. You can star a social media share or not. It’s up to you. Probably the most important choice you’ll ever make.

The right to make no decision. Such a beautiful choice. And one that many people avail themselves of every single day. Especially on my timeline. Can I choose to interpret your lack of action as loving support? I think I will.

A “like” can be used to indicate empathy or support, but, if the intention is not well understood, the results could be disastrous. How well does that other person really know you, anyway?

These days social scientists and bad people are thin-slicing our data trying to glean things about us. Apparently, just by clicking “like” on a Facebook page about curly fries you may unwittingly provide an indicator that you are intelligent. Who knew? See the Ted video (below) for more information about this.

In the name of science I went and subjected myself to scrutiny. I used a website called You Are What You Like to analyze my Facebook account. The website attempts to quantify things about me and my personality based on my “like” clicks. Admittedly I don’t like much on Facebook, so the results aren’t all that accurate. I bet this shit would work wonders on my sister’s account, though. She doesn’t so much as fart sideways without broadcasting that activity to the net.

Click here to learn more than you ever wanted to know about me. I bet you’ll like it.

My advice? Never like anything. Ever. You’re welcome.

6 responses

  1. For the record, I don’t “like” her dress. And honestly, this is kinda silly. At this point, this is the world we live in. Very little is private — and I’m not saying relinquish all privacy, but I’m confused by what all the fear is about “liking” something or having scientist and marketing folk have all this data about who we are and what we like — they’ve been doing this for years! And yes, I agree the internet and places like facebook have accelerated this ridiculously, but the point isn’t to live in fear of it, but to embrace it, learn it, understand it and then use it wisely. Ugghh… I hate this kind of stuff! Seriously, I was hoping she was going to include her dress in her talk somehow…. how she knew people watching would “dislike” her dress if they had a button — that’s how science can predict stuff. Now, that would have been impressive! And don’t get me started on the choice of shoes! OYVEY!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Just to get even I “liked” your reply. Mwuhahahaha!

      I agree. If you decide to share every little thing on Facebook because you’re on an ego trip (hence the narcissism tag) you can’t actually be surprised that they can figure out some stuff about you. Even if it’s just a few likes.

      I do find the science behind this extremely interesting. Who knew they could glean so much? The story about Target sending the pregnant woman advertising was incredible. They knew before she even told her own parents.

      I’ve heard that the things they can learn about you include age, gender, religion, political leanings, sexual orientation, education, income and probably a whole lot more. I think most people wouldn’t want that much personal info out there.

      I choose to share very little about myself online. And, I neglected to say this in my post, but I like to be subversive and throw out “false likes” just to put a monkey wrench in their works. I also deliberately avoid liking a lot of stuff that is so me just so they won’t know. It’s none of their damn business.

      I didn’t like her dress, either. I didn’t notice any shoes. 🙂


      1. If it’s none of their damn business, then don’t give it to them, don’t be online, don’t blog, don’t tweet, don’t facebook — don’t buy anything, don’t use your grocery card, your gas card, your credit card, do NOT have a bank account of any kind …. this has been going on for years! Way before people understood how the internet or marketing online worked. Try as you might, you can do everything you want to stay so private and you’ll still get dinged for things you like by marketing folk. If you use online banking, or buy anything online — even if you don’t — if you go into a “brick and mortar” store and pay with a credit card, or a debit card or even cash… all these things are accumulated somewhere and being housed as information about who you are. It just seems so silly to me to live in fear — unless you choose to live like a hermit (more power to you by the way), there is no way getting around it. And why is it so horribly bad? I mean, really? I’d prefer that ads be sent to me that have nothing to do with the latest race car performance or for ads showing up about what kind of farming equipment I might like to buy. Instead, I get ads and coupons and information based on things tailored to me and my life style. This doesn’t have to be a bad fearful thing. This is called evolution in marketing — it was going to happen anyways. As we get more into modern-esque times, this is where it was always going to go —

        I know you’re whole shtick is about being negative — I get it. But even you can’t get away from the fact that you are out there. I know more about you than you realize. And it’s not a bad thing — its why I like you!

        You know, I’m the opposite of you on so many levels — I am all about the positive, all about the bigger picture, the beauty in things — living life instead of just complaining about it. Part of the reason why I abstain from commenting so much on many people’s vibes (blogs) is because people naturally love to be negative. We all love a car crash to watch, or a tragedy to unfold… I don’t know if it’s just human nature or what, but to me life is this amazing journey and I search, beg and inquire about the joy of it all. That’s not to say that I’m oblivious to the perils of it all, but surely, learning how to navigate the internet and be smart about it is better than thinking everyone is out to screw you and take something from you. It’s just how I live.

        Okay. I adore you — but you know that part of why it’s hard for me most times to read, comment or even like your stuff is because…. well, you know….

        Plus, I know you’re so full of it all. Down deep right below the surface, is a teddy bear loving positive energy flowing brilliant man who is just keeping me on my toes…. of that I am sure. I’d bet on it! And I know I’d win that bet.


        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hey, don’t out me. I’ll use the “like” button for that. 🙂

        I’ll now quote myself: “My advice? Never like anything. Ever. You’re welcome.”

        My job as the Guru of Negativity is to point out danger. “Look! Over there,” I say. “There’s the danger. Or, as I like to call it, Planet Earth.”

        You’re welcome!


  2. Hi! Big idea, let’s develop a “hate” button. I would have used it on that TED video, I seriously “hate” anything associated with TED – so pedestrian, overrated, and blahblahblah. Plus all the speakers have this affect in the way they present, I am compelled to imitate it all day with intense mockery. Thank you for your consideration. HUGS!

    Liked by 1 person

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