How To Train Your #Apple 2.0

It’s hard to believe I worked on this graphic all by myself.

Tim Cook struts out on stage. Music plays. He holds up a device which has 99.9% of the same DNA as a device you already own.

You update that device to the las test and greatest operating system which is essentially the same except it provides more ways for money to flee your wallet and join up with the mothership wad of cash at Apple.

That update makes your device no longer worky.

What does Apple call a person who updates their software on the same day a new version is released? An unpaid beta tester.

Now I ride in like the Lone Ranger 2.0 to save the day. Here’s how to survive an iOS update.

First, take a deep breath. The principle of patience must come into play. Life is short but if you update too quickly it’ll be even shorter.

So you wait. At least one day.

For the one reader who has stuck with me until now, what then?

Go to Twitter and figure out the hashtag for the update. For example, this week it was #IOS81. Click on that hashtag. Read up.

What’s the general consensus? What’s the mood? If you see a lot of statements like, “Thanks a lot, Apple, now my iPad is a brick,” waiting might feel just a little easier.

Repeated this procedure when they release the incremental in the next two hours. Did they just throw fuel on the fire?

Avoid zero day released and the first incremental or two. By the point three it just might be time to start taking it seriously. Are batteries lasting longer again? Does wifi actually work?

During the wait time you’ll feel very along. You’ll feel abandoned. There will be no official word from Apple. They won’t be on the forums. They won’t send you an email. They won’t reach out with a tweet. So you’ll sit and wait. I recommend during this period of time that you invest in a bottle of Templeton Prohibition Era Recipe Rye.

After several months of waiting it’ll be congratulations. Your long term strategy has paid off. You’ll be the proud owner of a working device. Just in time to watch the next Tim Cook floor show, too.