Here is my top five list for surviving the work day using all necessary measures. Sometimes you have to, as they say, “take steps.” The ultimate goal here is to be passive-aggressive. If anyone actually detects these techniques your mission is a failure.

5. Pretend you didn’t hear. This is so amazingly simple and effective it is often overlooked. This can sometimes delay tasks for hours or even days. In extreme cases the enemy will acquire a new target and you’ll avoid the task completely. This tactic just oozes KISS. (Keep It Simple Stupid.)

4. This tactic is courtesy of a co-worker. No, he didn’t tell me about it. I’m just observant. Always go potty before you clock out for your lunch. And always go potty after you clock back in. This simple tactic can easily buy you 4-6 minutes of extra time.

3. When you hear a vehicle in…