Tom doesn’t think Dallas is dumb because he peed in the water. Tom thinks Dallas is dumb because Dallas talks about himself in the third-person. That’s just weird, man. And why isn’t the headline for this story “Dallas Pisses In Portland’s Water,” because that has a much more sinister ring to it. Why does Dallas hate Portland? Is it because we serve more kale and have more FPC (Fedoras Per Capita) than any city in the United States? With this latest flush of 38 million gallons, Portland breaks it’s own record of 7.5 million gallons in the same reservoir. Me? I’m not understanding the science. I mean, don’t ducks poop in that water? What the hell are they doing about that? Duck poop good, teenager pee bad. Personally I think the punishment should fit the crime. I would have made Dallas drink the water. All of it.