Khan With The Wind

blusterydayI sit here, my tushy gleefully ensconced in a chair of rich, Corinthian leather, in the mood to share a story that really blows. -Ed

It’s been about eight months since we moved to the big, big city of Portland, Oregon. The snow storm was fun. Sure, it wasn’t the 50′ of being buried alive of my dreams, but it was cute. We spent seven cozy days “trapped” in our home.

Then came the wind.

Last night the wind mercilessly ravaged our house. As much as I’m loathe to consider any weather-related thought, it finally crossed my mind: Jeez, when is the wind going to die down?

Sure, I enjoy as much as the next person finding my garbage cans tossed about and the contents strewn about the neighborhood. Who doesn’t? But even that can eventually get old.

What gives? Is this typical for Rip City? Or is it something new, perhaps a harbinger of doom?

I’m betting on the latter. Take off your helmet, stay awhile and listen. Lend me your ears because I’ve got some of the indigenous lifeforms ready to help us bore down into the story.

Six months from now…

ceti-alpha-fiveThis is Ceti Alpha V Portland, Oregon!!!

Ceti Alpha VI The Oregon Coast exploded six months after we were left here. The shock shifted the orbit weather patterns of this planet city and everything was laid waste. Admiral Kirk My mommy never bothered to check on our progress. It was only the fact of my genetically engineered intellect that enabled us to survive!

Well, at least that last part is true.

So what gives? Weird and record-setting weather all over the country, including the blustery days here at my home base. Is this just standard amplitude variations within expected norms or is it something new? Is this a sign that in the next six months what we now call Portland will be nothing but a dried up wasteland of desert?

Will I soon be hanging out my cast iron pots and pans to be scrubbed clean by passing sandstorms? Should I run out today and update my wardrobe with desert garb before the prices go up?

And, by the way, Khan, what’s the deal with “Corinthian” leather, anyway?

Corinthian leather is a term coined by the advertising agency Bozell to describe the upholstery used in certain Chrysler luxury vehicles. The term first appeared in advertising in 1974. Although the term suggests that the product has a relationship to or origination from Corinth, there is no relationship; the term is merely a marketing concept.

The term was first used during the marketing campaign for the 1974 Imperial LeBaron, but the term is usually associated with the marketing campaign for the 1975 Cordoba and that campaign’s celebrity spokesperson, Ricardo Montalban, who described “the thickly-cushioned luxury of seats available even in soft Corinthian leather.”

Despite the exotic origin suggested by the name “Corinthian leather,” much of the leather used in Chrysler vehicles during the era originated from a supplier located outside Newark, New Jersey.

Some sources say the term refers to the combination of leather seating surfaces and vinyl seat sides. However, most cars worldwide with “leather upholstery” have matching color vinyl seat bases and often the rear faces of the front seats, the head rests, and the door facings. The standard term in period car catalogs was ‘leather with vinyl’, and sometimes ‘leather seat facings.’

Source: Wikipedia – Corinthian leather

“What the? Khan lied. He lied to us!”

It embraces the wind or it gets the hose.

It embraces all the colors of the wind or it gets the hose.

“I told you he would never consciously betray the 1975 Cordoba.”

“Terminate him… immediately!”

“The more you lie in your advertising, Chrysler, the more customers will slip through your fingers.”

“Not after we demonstrate the capabilities of this station wagon appointed with rich, Corinthian leather.”

“Damn it, they win this round!”

I guess this is all just my way of saying, “Oh jeez, Margie. It’s windy.” Some of the locals even drive up the Columbia River Gorge to this especially windy spot and shoot video where they hold onto railings and allow the wind to push them up until they are parallel to the ground, like Ripley hanging on after she opened the airlock and shot the alien into space. Good times, or so I assume.

9 responses

  1. You’re the Guru. Can’t you do something about this weather? Anything? We left eight feet of snow to spend a few months down south and yesterday morning it was warmer at home than here. The last time I was south two years ago, March temps were in the 80s. This month we’ll be lucky to hit the high 50s. Thirty degree difference and I’m not a nice person to live with when it’s like this. The only thing that helps is retail therapy but now I think I broke my Visa card buying clothing THAT I CAN’T WEAR DOWN HERE BECAUSE IT’S SO FUCKING COLD.

    The weather blows. Hard. Here endth the rant.


    1. I think someone told Earth, “Just put your lips together and blow.” And the Earth was way too literal with it.

      Weird weather at every turn. Yeah, I’m sure that’s normal. Keep making fun of the change-ologists trapped in the ice. Let me know how that works out for ya.

      So what you’re saying is no bikini selfies?


  2. This winter has been unforgiving. It was -26C again this morning….it’s March for crying out loud!!!!


    1. If it makes you feel any better you are one of the few people on this planet for whom I’d be willing to shovel snow. 🙂


  3. Okay — the Cat As Khan pic is my favorite thing I’ve seen today.


    1. What stevebetz said.
      Also, again: your mind.


      1. Let me know if I ever lose my golden touch, k?


    2. Khan!!! Introducing new Khan Kibble. Your cats will ask for it by name.


      1. Yours…. is the superior kibble.


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