An X-Men showing off her signature move, summoning the Play icon out of thin air.

Olympics may fizzle
The Ukraine may sizzle
But we’ll always have The Twizzle

–Anabolic Tallstory, Leave It All On The Ice

If, like me, you’re a true fan of the spirit of sport, you’re likely saying to yourself, hey, are the Olympics on yet?

Spoiler alert: Too late! (Spoiler alert: This paragraph may have started with a spoiler.)

What in the wide, wide world of sports is agoing on? Don’t worry. It’s my duty to get you caught up. I know that the Olympics are so last week, but I still got something to say. And you (mostly) don’t have to worry about pink eye, either!