My Top Tweets of 2013
I found an aggregator that compiled my “best” tweets of 2013 as calculated based on quantity of interactions. Quantity, not quality. Yes, these are the crème de la crème, the coup de disgrâce if you will. If you boiled my tweets from 2013 this batch represents the skim, that thin layer on top that would have normally been scooped out.
It’s somewhat interesting that all of my top tweets top place in October, November and December. That’s obviously because I was pacing myself. Yeah, right. I’ve been doing twitter for about 3.96 years and only last October did anyone notice. That’s just perfect.
Here there are, the top 10 least sucky tweets as determined by a computer.
- Dec 8 – Why do you hate me? And use your big words this time.
- Nov 14 – I know, for security reasons, I shouldn’t reveal my destination ahead of time, but what the hell! I’m going to the movies.
- Oct 30 – Yeah, because if there is one thing the Walton heirs truly understand, it is personal achievement. @LibertyBelleJ
- Nov 26 – Birth control on your health plan doesn’t violate your religious views unless you use it.
- Oct 23 – We need to find some way to take the focus on winning out of politics. Win culture is ultimately destructive. @LibertyBelleJ
- Nov 24 – Tell your friends about me. That’s how this social media shit works, asshole.
- Nov 28 – Let us also ban coverage for circumcisions and injuries resulting from beatings, fasting and faith-based healing. @LibertyBelleJ #parenting
- Dec 19 – Too many websites are crashing and freezing @googlechrome for interminable periods of time. Going back to @firefox as my primary browser.
- Dec 19 – Perhaps there’s a benefit to making gun ownership for criminals as difficult as possible. @NeoConAtheist @Paula68154 @shemararae @Birdseye1
- Dec 11 – School officials are “taking a lot of heat” for canceling classes due to cold weather. That is so punny! #journalism
You Don’t Know Polite
Why does shit like this happen to me? (This is my version of the “dark and stormy” night opening as a literary device.)
My wife and I were out to dinner and having our usually jolly time. Things were clicking. My jokes were firing on all cylinders. I was witty. Our repartee was fast and furious on a highly intellectual level.
As we exited the restaurant I was feeling pretty good. (It could happen.) I saw four people behind us. They were far enough back that I could have let the door close and no slight would have been perceived. I decided to be nice and waited to hold open the door.
They came through single file. As she passed, the first person actually said, I kid you not, “Thank you.”
Wow. It’s a modern day miracle. I’m now that much closer to sainthood. I was momentarily stunned and at a loss for words. As quickly as I could I responded with, “You’re welcome.”
Oops. By then the third person was already walking by. She heard what I said and turned and looked at me. With dagger eyes. Of hatred and death.
Ah. She thought I was talking to her and assumed I was being snotty because she decidedly did not bother to say thank you.
Good intentions: 0. Crass misunderstandings: 1.
Bad form, Mr. Smee. Bad form.
And now some politeness tips from yours truly.
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