From Russia With Bloodhound Gang

Under my crusty shell, what is there? A creamy gooey center. Obviously.

It’s only 8am and twice already I’ve used the word “gooey” to refer to myself. Is social media great or what?

Besides the goo, you might also see the creepy place where I have some strange likes and dislikes. One of those is the Bloodhound Gang. No, do not google them. Do not look them up. They are offensive as hell. NSFW.

And yet I still enjoy their music. They make me laugh. Yes, I’m shaming myself right now.

Puerile. Juvenile. Disgusting. Vile. Sexualized. The guys do things like spend a lot of time trying to come up with rhymes for the word “vagina.” (Spoiler alert: North Carolina.)

Have you ever been clubbed over the head by a piece of music? There I was, hanging with my son in his room, and he was playing his “music” like tin foil on metal guitar strings while some talentless hack screams indecipherably. That’s not “music” in my book. Oh how he loves that shit.

But then, I became aware of something else. A song reached out and grabbed hold. The lyrics were beautiful in their simplicity. “I hope you die.” Wow. This was different. Such elegant simplicity. This was good stuff. I was hooked.

And thus began my journey of exploration of the Bloodhound Gang.

The guys recently made a “splash” on their Russian tour. Break out the Stolichnaya and play the Russian flag drinking game with me, won’t you?

What’s the deal with Russia? I know the country is not high on my list after jailing the band Pussy Riot for criticizing Vladmir Putin, one of the most criticizable people of all time. And for their recent hate campaign against gays.

What does the Bloodhound Gang have against Russia? I don’t know. Maybe it’s stuff like that. Maybe the got a bad batch of vodka. Who knows?

The roots of this story, perhaps, lead back to mid-2006 when the band reportedly incorporated “golden showers” into their act. That’s all I know since I was afraid to dig deeper.

Then, fast-forward to 2013, on tour in Russia. Suddenly the Bloodhound Gang goes apeshit and hates the Russian flag. “We hates it, we does.”

On July 30, 2013, as part of their performance in Kiev, Ukraine, a band member peed on the yellow and blue. (The colors of the very interestingly designed Ukraine flag.)

A few days later, in Odessa, Ukraine, the same band member took the Flag of Russia, the white, blue and red, and stuffed it down the front of his pants and pulled it out the back. Think Miley Cyrus on a wrecking ball and you’ll get the general gist. (Fun factoid: The Flag of Russia is 33% more interesting than the flag of the Ukraine.)

As we all know, citizens of most any country generally love seeing their beloved flag disrespected. The guys certainly knew what they were doing. Predictably their next show was canceled, they were pelted with eggs and tomatoes at the airport while fleeing the country, and they kept the money they had been fronted for gigs that never happened.

Now the band is under investigation by Russian authorities for inspiring “hated and enmity” against Russia. We all know how Russia hates those who incite “hatred and enmity,” right? Maybe next they’ll go after Putin himself. Russia has canceled their visas and is even considering putting some of the band on a wanted list. (That sounds scary.)

Whatever their reasons, I now offer for your enjoyment one of the tamest songs they’ve ever done. Warning: May still be offensive.