micro-gastriqueI still wake up sometimes. I wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the micro-lettuce.

Yes, for those counting, that’s two references to the same movie in the last three posts. I cut like a micro-ginsu!

If you’re not micro-plating yet you should be. Micro-utensils down!

If you like small things, that hopefully bodes well for me and this post.

Today I’m here to brag about my new restaurant and cutting edge (heh) logo design. Yeah, I made that.

Introducing MICRO. It’s flavor deconstructed but mostly shrunk. And, contrary to popular belief, we don’t offer reductions. Some things go too far.


Maître d Reducto

You might say that moving to the microbrew capital of the world was my micro-inspiration. I became micro-curious. I used to be tri-curious but I decided to switch things up and play for the other team. Hopefully they like micro-talents.

The other day I was walking down the street, exploring for fresh bold flavors (as I’m often wont to do) when I came across some organic, locally sourced free range microgreens. Naturally I froze in my tracks and said, “WTF?”

Come to find out that, alas, “microgreens” are plant-forms that have been hacked down in the prime of life, sometimes even before photosynthesis puberty. Maybe this is what they feed veal?

With a boatload of daikon radish microgreens in hand I dashed to the kitchen to see if I could make a bite so small it would completely avoid flavor. Small plates? Those wouldn’t do. Too damn big, so I threw them on the ground.

My first attempt at microplates was intriguing but it could still be seen with the naked eye and our micro-tasters could still detect actual flavor. That’s how, in frustration, I came up with my pièce de résistance, the micro-signature micro-dish at my gastrique.


Reducto introducing our Head Chef.

I call it “Invisible Micro.”

It’s a micro-plate with food so small it can neither be seen nor tasted. It’s delivered to your table by micro-helicopter.

We have to lock the doors during service lest a gust of wind carry your meal away.

Note: There is a strict dress code. Only patrons wearing the emperor’s new clothes will be seated.

The micro-bar offers our custom line of micro-cocktails, like the house speciality Micro Gimlet:

Micro Gimlet

4 drops vodka
1 drop chilled Rose’s Lime Juice

Shake ingredients. Serve in a thimble with a tiny fedora.

Recipe courtesy of MICRO Gastrique Inc.

For those who enjoy big things, don’t despair. The eatery can cater to your needs as well. Just wait until the end of the meal for your surprise. The check is decidedly macro. Almost as macro as our ego.

We don’t accept reservations and we’re only open one second per day. Good luck!

6 responses

  1. Damn. The move to the big city may be the best micro-second of decision-making genius you’ve accomplished to date.

    I’m loving you macro time.


    1. I can’t help but wonder what was the first?


  2. Alas, the bill for the miniscule extravaganza is anything but micro.


    1. My studies have found an inverse correlation and causal relationship.


  3. I put forth that since it is well known that baby animals are tastier than adult animals (veal >> beef, lamb >> mutton, baby seal >> anything) that the same applies to plants. Ergo, “baby greens” are better than “old greens”.

    In this vein, I am thinking about starting a line of gourmet blastulae. Who’s in for the kickstarter?


    1. Wow, that’s really thinking small. Would that be like a micro-veal? I’m surprised the world didn’t have that already. I’ll invest!

      I’d like to buy you a beer that’s only a few minutes old!


Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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