Now that I’m a successful small business owner (one day and counting) and a veritable piece of Americana, my mind has turned to other business opportunities. Where else can I spread?

My idea is a retail location known as The Nothing Goes Store. The sign on the front door says it all:

• No electronic devices of any kind permitted on these premises
• No wifi offered
• No headphones allowed
• No customers
• No soliciting
• No products
• No music
• No talking
• $20 cover charge
• No outside food or beverages
• No eye contact
• No touching
• No nudity
• No clothing
• No guns
• No addictions

That’s about it. Come in and have a seat. You won’t be served in the order of arrival. Charter memberships are still not available. No ground floor opportunities are available. Past performance may not be indicative of future results. Therefore, no current or prospective client should assume that the future performance of any specific nothingness (including the advise dispensed by the guru), will be profitable or equal to past performance levels.