Timeline: Demo T. Vader
Demo is in the house, yo!
Every morning the guru of negativity loads up his Facebook which pushily insists, “What’s on your mind?”
Oh no. I’m not about to fall for that one.
The people you’ve connected with on Facebook are called “friends.” Laws, yes. Friends. Good one!
Of the various types of content on Facebook, my favorite goes a little something like this:
- The opening: You want something. State what it is. Ex: “I’m curious how people feel about my sexual organs.”
- The insult: Get things rolling with a jab at your so-called “friends.” Ex: “I know only approx. 4-1/2 of you ever read my posts.”
- The hook: Describe the payoff in terms of pleasure centers of the brain that will glow upon compliance. “I’m going to give you a chance to prove your friendship.”
- The plea: This is the objective, the thing you hope to see accomplished. Ex: “Reply to this with a graphic description of your favorite sexual organ on my body. Sexual organs only, please!”
- The demanding social element: This is self-explanatory. Ex: “You must then copy this to your own timeline so my ego can grow. Please don’t comment and not copy to your own timeline.”
Out of respect, I’m not going to comment because I have absolutely no intention of following your rules. Thanks for trying to control me, though.
For the record:
- Yes, I actually read your shit. And I loathe myself for it.
- You can’t handle the truth. I won’t comment on our alleged “friendship.”
- It’s news to me that you have sexual organs so I’m unable to comment further.
- I will decide what pieces of evil hate go on my timeline. Not you. Nice effort, though.
- A real friend wouldn’t have done this. Thanks for reinforcing my theories.
Has Facebook invented a squelch feature yet or must I continue to be subjected to this crap with a little help from my friends?
Highway To Wazzit?
Highway To Heaven starred Michael Landon as an angel on probation, sent to Earth and given assignments by The Boss to help troubled souls.
Shouts From The Abyss stars yours truly as a self-proclaimed guru of negativity, given (purloined) a blog which serves as a metaphorical highway where daily poop bullshit is dispensed to The Reader.
The parallels are uncanny.
Hell, I’m just like Johnny Appleseed only slightly different. And, like Mr. Appleseed, I’ve got places to go and things to do. For that I will, occasionally, use a highway.
Highway to Hell was a rockin’ little ditty by AC/DC.
One thing is for sure: That’s a lot of highways! And the other day I was on one of them.
Verily I say unto you, the highways shall be covered with billboards and they shall be legion but do not be tempted by the advertising messages contained therein lest thou’st risk thy immortal soul for they are abomination.
—The Book of Guru, Transportation Chapter
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. A serendipitous journey dappled with billboards containing messages like “Eat at Joe’s” and “Billboard Space Available.” Hell, who wouldn’t appreciate a journey like that? God forbid that even during the act of driving we might temporarily forget that the world is 24/7 after our wallets.
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Cat Eye In The Sky
This is Anderson Catter interrupting your regularly scheduled bile to bring you this breaking CNN (Cat News Network) exclusive. We have been receiving reports of disturbing and unprecedented activities taking place across the household realm.
We go now live to Kitty Amanapurr on scene with this breaking report…
Thank you, Anderson. I am currently located on a bookcase shelf in the kitchen where formerly many cookbooks were kept. That all changed this weekend shortly after boxes were reportedly seen in the vicinity.
Initial eyewitnesses reported an influx of a large number of boxes. Box sightings are not that uncommon but this event was on a scale never before encountered. It seemed harmless and fun at first, as we investigated by sniffing all boxes and putting them to every test conceivable.
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They say a great photograph should tell a story. I’m here to prove them wrong!
Or, in my own inimitable manner, I’ll present a series of photographs that tell a great story.
This is a tale of karma, good intentions, and the ups and downs of a single day within the Abyss. For the purposes of this post, we’ll be using the double-entry system of karma accounting. That system requires two entries for every transaction, a debit and a credit.
How does our tale end? Meh. I’m rather neutral about it.
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Cats discover furniture move
Bigger changes are afoot. We’re now re-running this old footage until we bring you more developments as they continue to develop later next week.This post is part of our ongoing series Regurgitation Sunday where we take a previous post and drag it back into the light of day. On the seventh day God did rest and here we work to emulate that philosophy. It’s one-seventh less effort!
Are news anchors supposed to show quite that much emotion when they read the news? I don’t think so!
Today there was big news in the Abyss household. My wife had picked up her bookcase from the storage unit and reorganized the living room a bit. This freaked out the cats. To say the least.
Our male cat, the scaredy one, promptly climbed to the top of the TV set in order to survey what had happened. Our TV serves as his own personal Pride Rock. From that vantage point he can survey the entire savanna of our living room and assess the devastation. Meanwhile his sister gave the bookcase a thorough sniff inspection. A bomb-sniffing dog couldn’t have done it any better.
CNN Pride Rock Eye in the Sky is also still on the lookout for The Vacuum but it hasn’t been seen for several days now.
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Hey Tumblr Users, Why Is This Man Smiling? Because he sold your content and you worked for him for free.
Quote: “Now bend over and ‘collaborate.'” Yes, it’s writing like that which endears this post to my heart and makes it reblog worthy. I’m not a big user of the Instragram so my umbrage is largely muted. Even so, I do find the regular movements of the cloud (aka rain) to be ever so fascinating.
Great news for Tumblr users–the eponymous Mr. Dave Karp just sold your content for $1.1 billion! In cash! And of course, he’s sharing that money with you, right?
No, he’s not. But then again, record companies, movie studios, newspapers and music publishers don’t share the proceeds with their artists, journalists, songwriters or actors, when they’re sold either. Of course…that’s not an apt comparison because all those companies paid for the “content” they’re selling. As Francis Cianfrocca noted adroitly on Coffee and Markets, much of the value of companies like Tumblr is based on the appropriation of user content (and I think you could add YouTube to that list).
I really enjoyed the part of the Copyright Principles Project that dealt with artist rights issue of compensating users when the product of their free labor is sold for big bucks…no wait, that wasn’t covered.
So meet the new boss…worse than…
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