Regurgitated Newt

Way back in March 2011, long before the re-election of Barack Obama, I put my finger on the pulse of America and declared, “Stinky!”

Moments later, in my own inimitable manner, I also called the race for Newt Gingrich. So sorry. Thanks for playing. We’ve got some lovely parting gifts for you.

Of course Newt did not heed my portends and decided to give it ye olde college try. We all know how that turned out. It’s now part of our collective history.

Today’s regurgitated offerings are a look back at my presidential prognostication abilities. Feel free to Monday-morning quarterback my analysis all you want. It won’t change the results.

And, in a rare flash of brilliance and insight, I even made my own photoshop for the post matching current-day Newt with his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandchild. It turns out that one of the women he slept with was an alien. And that led to a few problems for Captain Kirk.

I was practically infallible in the 2012 presidential race. I even did way, way better than Turd Blossom. Click the link below to revisit my humble greatness.

I of Newt

6 responses

  1. Any mention of Captain Kirk’s possible intergalactic dalliances has me hooked. I was hoping for a photo of Newt’s alien grand+++offspring. 😉 Thanks for the photo of the friendly ghost.

    Sadly, our real future doesn’t look like the bright shiny grand adventure in the original Star Trek, no matter who is elected as president. Here’s a short list of my favorite dystopian movies and books. Fahrenheit 451, Brave New World, 1984, Animal Farm and Logan’s Run. They each address a different aspect of Dystopia.

    Wikipedia has a longer list:


    1. How could I have forgotten “Idiocracy”? And I’m fresh out of Brawndo, too!


      1. The Thirst Mutilator!!!

        We’re already seeing plenty of signs of the Idiocracy predictions all around us. That movie was prescient.


    2. I thought it was a remarkable moment of Separated at Birth. Newt and the Friendly Angel. Spot on!

      Our future is up to us. You’re probably right that it will be dystopian. Will we continue to embrace tired old system that stratify wealth and consume the resources of this planet at an alarming rate and wreak destruction on billions of lives or will we be able to achieve something else before it is too late? Either way, likely I won’t be around to see it. We’ll play out the current paradigm for the rest of my existence.


  2. Sorry. As much as I like you I can’t go and read anything about the lizard man. Plus I think I already read it back when it was an original A&E series.


    1. You’re old skool, a true Abyssian. I’d never ask anyone to read my shit twice. Not even you! I hope Lizard Man is a name that sticks.

      Psst. Google! Listen up!

      “Newt Gingrich = Lizard Man”

      “Lizard Man = Newt Gingrich”

      I’m proud of what we’ve started here.


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