Nothing too heavy today…
And, regarding my beloved chemical suit, I leave that to … what? Are you kidding me? None of you get that. I’m taking it with me. Bury me in it!
—The Last Will and Testament of Tom B. Taker, Chapter 1, Section A, Article 1
As most of you know, I have been busy most of the last few decades planning my wake. A wise man in a Stephen King movie once said, “Get busy living or get busy dying” and I took to that advice to heart like a leading a guru to tequila and telling him not to drink.
Of course this planning primarily took the form of picking out songs that participants (guests? attendees? celebrants? wakers? invitees? z-list celebs?) would, at least once, get to enjoy my eclectic taste in music.
I thought it was a pretty good plan. Besides, nothing pleases me more than the thought of people coming together to remember my life and having to listen to some random songs while they are left to ponder, “What the hell is this crap supposed to convey to us about Tom?” Ha ha ha! Suffer!
Then, this week, in the name of research, I attended the memorial service for a gentleman I knew and I thought to myself, “See? This is what happens when you fail to plan and allow your loved ones to pick the music on your behalf.”
Actually, I didn’t really know the man that well. He was the father of one friend and the husband of another. After attending the service I have to say I regret not knowing him better. He was a great guy, the kind who would give away the shirt off his back, always with a warm smile at the ready, and the sort who could cheer people up even when the chips were down.
I also knew him from the liquor store where he seemed friendly enough as he handed me bottle after bottle for several years before he got sick. See? We just went full circle. From tequila to the liquor store and back again. That’s what this guru calls the circle of life.
This post will document the set list that was used to send this soul on its way back home.
My friend, who wrote and presented the service, made it painstakingly clear that all of the music was selected from tracks that were personal favorites of her father’s. Born in 1934 he had a fondness for 50’s music and classic cars.
You might be tempted to jump to the conclusion that one of the following songs was placed using my Creative License. I assure you that is not the case. Apparently the song was one all of his kids grew up hearing over and over again. And I’m pleased to say this most interesting choice in music has earned him a Lifetime Achievement award here in the Abyss. For bonus points, imagine all of the assembled guests sitting politely and sniffling into their hankies and listening respectfully to this wonderful piece of music. The room was filled with good-hearted laughter. Thus, all of the tags used on this post were placed most sincerely out of the utmost respect.
I like eclectic men. It means I stand a chance.
At my shake, rattle and wake, the lead-off song will be “Brick House” followed by “Martini Nights” and then a song to be decided by “The Scissor Sisters.” It will keep ’em guessing.
A chance? You’re the most probable person I’ve ever known. You can quote me on that.
So far I’ve whittled my list down using the criteria, “20 minutes or longer.” That includes the extended mix of Stairway to Heaven which, as you might guess, I’d find more than a little ironic.