Survivor: Abyss Island – It’s All Over Except For The #TMI

Teaser: House of Cards challenge.

Teaser: House of Cards challenge.

As I write this it is early Wednesday morning on Day 40. Survivor: Abyss Island is over. It feels surreal to be back in what most of you call “civilization” and totally take for granted. Now is my time to feel morally superior.

Day 40. The heady stuff of legend. A day that all true Survivors, like myself, dream about until our poor little heads feel funny and oogey.

Right now, in the kitchen, I’m using a thing called a “coffee maker” to make an entire pot of coffee. Wow! What will they think of next? I’ll be damned but it actually feels weird. Luckily I haven’t forgotten how. I had just enough leftover reward coffee in my stash so I gleefully dumped it all in the machine. To think; I actually used to hoard this stuff! Ahhhh. Civilization, warts and all, apparently has some advantages.

“Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You know, this is – excuse me – a damn fine cup of coffee. I’ve had I can’t tell you how many cups of coffee in my life and this, this is one of the best.”

Yeah, after 39 days on a metaphorical island I am wont to talk to myself. It’s a dirty thankless job but someone has got to do it. I mean talking to myself. Are you even listening to me?

With my new Survivor-heightened senses, I’m ready to go out and take on the day. Everything is bigger, better and bolder than it ever was before. I do not wish to commit the irrevocable sin of over-sensationalism so I will strive to remain subtle and employ my usual deft touch.

Flavors are bolder. The air is airier. Time is timier. Meaning is meaner. Touch is luxurious. The scents in the air are dreamier. Everything is so goddamned delicious. I’ve picked up the habit of licking everything in the house. Mmmmm… Lead paint!

My God!!! I’ve never felt so alive!!!

This experience has quite literally changed my life. Nothing will ever be the same again. Ever. The old Tom B. Taker is dead. I am the new me. This just might be the next step in human evolution. I’m poised delicately on the cusp of leaving this mortal body behind and transforming into an ethereal being of pure energy and light.

See? I can do subtle. Big time subtle.

Yesterday was a big day. Day 39. Anyone who knows anything about Survivor knows all about Day 39. If you make it to Day 39 you have gone as far as you can go. From then on your fate is in the hands of The Jury.

Day 39 traditionally starts with a feast for the Survivors still alive in the game. My day was no different. Surprise tree mail announced a surprise breakfast.

Later, I made my way to the final challenge. The Survivor contract prohibits me from revealing more details, but I will say this. The challenge was recorded and the video is being produced. It will be released soon, to be followed by the live (prerecorded) reunion show and the announcement regarding Abyss Island All Stars. It seems I’ve been asked never to return. Yeah!

Until then, here’s a very special afternoon special clip of the final challenge (featuring negativity in action) to whet your appetite for more Abyss Island than you’d ever want. How will it all end? Will Tom be crowned the sole Survivor? Will Tom explode his belly from the inside out? Is Tom’s wife still speaking to him? You’ll have to tune in to find out!


6 responses

  1. I think counseling may be needed to adjust back into civilian life.


    1. Yes. The Survivor experience must amplify what was already there. I’m in serious need of help!


  2. What was that video all about? House of Cards reference? Do we call you Frank now?

    Congrats on making it to Day 40 with some of your sanity intact. I think you ate the rest.


    1. Total House of Cards reference. We be loving the HoC although last night’s episode let us down in the Francis department. We thought we knew where the show was heading but now we’re not so sure!


  3. Welcome back from the island. The beans and rice must have been a blast…I’ve never watched Survivor and I’m not watching HOC, either. I’d better get busy tracking down HOC, or I’ll fall way behind trying to catch the references in the Abyss.

    Abyss was a Jeopardy question the other day. I thought of you, of course.


    1. Be an answer on Jeopardy. If that’s not on my bucket list it should be!


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