First! Piers Into The Future

Which came first? The chicken or the egg flung angrily at the back of someone’s head?

It’s something we’re born with. It’s somehow innate to us. Much like how a kitten without a mommy still knows enough to try to cover his own poo.

It’s something we’re taught by osmosis fro our parents.

And it’s also something we perfect while growing up. We learn by doing.

It’s the circle of life, Simba.

The right to free speech is one of our most cherished rights. It only comes in a close second to the right to extract payback from those who dare embrace that right.

On the kindergarten playground our younglings travel like a pack of wolves. A pack that searches for that which is different. Tall, short, fat, skinny, rich, poor, skin color, glasses, defect, braces, headgear, religion, style of clothing, quality of school supplies, operating system version number in the electronic device, etc.

If someone has affronted you, and maybe even if they haven’t, seek out one of those differences (or choose from a list containing a plethora of others) and cry, “Havoc!” and let slip the dogs of war.

You have the right to free speech. So does the guy next to you. But if he chooses to exercise that right with an opinion different than yours? It’s go time!

The key is to focus on your opponent. Know your enemy. Study him closely. Do not allow yourself to be distracted by the logic of his argument. What is different about him? This is crucial, because only after you have found that difference can you seek to exploit it.

Vive la difference!

Case Study: Piers Morgan

Background: Most of us know Piers as the jolly fellow who gleefully eviscerated contestants on America’s Got Talent. But before then he was a journalism guy in England. And, perhaps, he had some role of participation or covering up the great phone hacking scandal. If so, that’s a valid reason for him to be a target.

After the recent school shooting Piers dared to exercise a right most of us take for granted. He offered up his opinion on the gun debate.

Oops. Those with differing opinions can’t allow that.

Quick! Get the crosshairs on him. We have to find something on this guy. Think, dammit! There has got to be something!

Oh, wait. He’s one of those fuzzy little foreigners. Yes, my precious. At last, a strategy begins to present itself.


We shall work to get him deported from our country. Yes? But what will we use as a smokescreen? We’ll be required to give some sort of reason, right?

I know. We’ll say he dared to use our first amendment. Yes, for that he should fry.

And who dares say the American dream is a thing of the past? Behold in all it’s glory. It’s alive!

This post was lovingly caressed out of an iPad. Please enjoy the extra autocorrect typos.

8 responses

  1. For the record, I have never really had respect for Morgan on his CNN show.
    The interviews I’ve seen him conduct are insipid at best.

    So regardlessof his opinions on anything, I wouldn’t mind his not having a venue anymore.
    Or seeing a chicken flung at the back of his head.
    Because let’s face it, that’s just funny.


    1. I hear ya. I’m not saying he’s my favorite person in the world. Especially if he had something to do with the phone hacking scandal. Which, I have a sneaking suspicion, he did. His role, if any, remains unproven so for now he lives in the shadow of doubt.

      You’re supposed to throw the egg, not the chicken! There ya go again, putting out a paradigm shift that tilts the whole world on its head.


  2. Piers is small fry indeed, a loathsome fellow of little talent from what little I’ve seen. There are plenty worse here who’ve shaken their puny fists at the U.S. Constitution. What is treason? I don’t know. The Brits don’t want Piers back, so he may continue to be one of the wretched who have washed upon our shores.
    An old joke about Freedom of Speech:
    “An American says to a Russian. “Our country is better than yours because we can say anything about our president and not be thrown in jail.” The Russian claims that he has the same right, too. “We can say anything about your president and not be thrown in jail, too!”


    1. Hell, even the Hoff had Hoffisms. As far as I know there have never been any Piersisms. To lose to the Hoff? Extreme humiliation!

      U.S.A. 1
      Great Britain 0

      I’m not sure how Piers should his fists at the U.S. Constitution, though? Is not the Second Amendment open to some interpretation? Or is merely offering an opinion about it considered an offense? Because, if so, I find the entire Supreme Court guilty. Rap my gavel. No bail!


      I say that if Piers is ever found to have had anything to do with the phone hacking scandal then England has to take him back for the purpose of administering punishment.


  3. Hey man, what part of “Ted Nugent is a patriot for his remarks, but the Dixie Chicks must be destroyed for theirs” do you not understand?


    1. I found this: In the wake of a petition on calling for the CNN host’s deportation back to the United Kingdom, a response petition has cropped up on from British citizens urging the UK government not to take Morgan back.

      “We got rid of him once and why should we have to suffer again. The Americans wanted him so they should put up with him. We washed our hands of him a long time ago,” the introduction to the petition explains.


      1. Hilarious! Good find.


    2. Makes perfect sense to me. It all depends on whose goose is being cooked. Someone recently explained it to me like this: When Bush was president you couldn’t utter a bad word about him because he was the President and such talk was disrespectful to the position. When Obama was president it was okay to say any old damn thing because Obama was not worthy of the position and didn’t deserve to be there.

      It’s hard to argue with logic like that. At least without a straight jacket.


Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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