BlogFestivus – Day One: Fire in the Holy Night

Fire in the Holy Night
by Tom B. Taker

A Christmas tale that features rear ends?
After you read we may no longer be friends.

Santa’s sleigh has a shield,
It’s not there just by chance.
Added long ago after something
Something! within Dasher’s pants.

Life at the North Pole isn’t as all glamorous as it’s made out to be. For one thing, there’s no municipal sewage treatment. Sure, elves can melt snow for a source of pure drinking water, but when it comes to the outgoing #1 and #2 – something has got to give.

When wee little Dasher the Reindeer was born, two things quickly became clear. He was destined for greatness and it was going to be … interesting.

Originally born Bartholomäus Tiberius Reindeer, he quickly earned up the nickname “Dasher” due to hoppy, quick feet and because he was always hoofin’ it to Christmas Town latrine. His real name was quickly forgotten and he was simply known as Dasher, as if he was on the same level as Cher, Madonna and Sting!

The thing was that Dasher was always out dashing. He was a mover and a shaker. ‘Here’ was never sufficient for Dasher. Movement was its own reward.

Unfortunately, Dasher’s ongoing and lifetime struggle with irritable bowel syndrome irrevocably doomed his chances to make Team One and pull Santa’s sleigh. Until one foggy night when Dr. Finklestein fatefully forged a piece of plexiglass and saved the day.

Now you know the story “behind” the splash shield on Santa’s sleigh!

This post is part of Blogdramedy’s 2012 BlogFestivus challenge where festivants are cajoled and harassed into writing nine stories in nine days about nine reindeers. Each story has to be exactly 243 words in length.

Happy Festivus to all!