Front Lines of Christmas

It’s that time of year again. Tis the season to lace up your boots, grab your weapon of choice and go hunt down people who don’t share the same opinions as you.

Ho, ho, ho, motherfucker!

I feel more jolly already.

It might seem like a paradigm shift on the part of some but it’s all part of the same whack-a-do hypocrisy that makes the season seem blight.

“There is kind of a culture war going on and people aren’t really respecting each other and difference of opinion. There’s no dialogue taking place to get to the heart of what we really believe as a nation and what is truth.”
–A quotation from a FOX News story covering the Chick-Fil-A hubbub earlier this year

christmas-treeA few months ago, after the CEO of Chick-Fil-A said he supported “traditional marriage” (I think he meant adultery and divorce) some on the right came to his defense. It’s a “free speech” issue proclaimed FOX News. Some on the left were offended and said they’d boycott the fast food chain. Some on the right responded with a Chick-Fil-A “appreciation day.”

Those who criticized the chain and said they’d boycott were called a “disgrace.” The story also called out “liberals” for their “blind hatred.” Ah yes. Freedom of speech.

I know it seems obvious to those of us with critically-thinking functioning brains, and not to put too fine a point on it, but those wanting to boycott were merely flexing their free speech rights, too. Well, duh.

The media and the blogosphere went nuts. “Liberals” and “leftists” were lambasted for their “intolerance” and many people pointed out how boycotting Chik-Fil-A “solved nothing” and would only hurt the innocent employees. (The exact same argument that was trotted out in the case of Papa John’s Pizza when another CEO went around wisely shouting his opinions.) The internet rebounded with cries of “liberal intolerance.” Google it if you want. You may also come across the phrase “panties in a bunch” more than a few times. For some strange reason, that particular insult seems to resonate with the holier-than-thou crowd. Go figure.

Now, of course, is the winter of our discontent when the hymns of “war on Christmas” ring out anew. And thankfully, unlike those damn godless leftists, those on the right absolutely never try get pushy with their point of view or, God forbid, ever participate in something as panty-bunching as a boycott. Shudder! Horrors! After all, they’re too busy getting all snuggly in their foxholes and defending freedom against all of the godless Christmas “haters.”

Never mind evidence like this:

moon-eclipseBoycott of JC Penney (2012) – A group called “One Million Moms” (with an estimated membership of approx. 45,000 to 60,000 individuals) in 2012 called for a boycott of JC Penney. Why? Because they hired Ellen Degeneres, a publicly known gay person, as a spokesperson for the company in a television advertising campaign.

The OMM website has apparently since pulled down the content, gutless yellow turds that they are, but luckily Google cache still has it on file. Google says the following “is a snapshot of the page as it appeared on Nov 23, 2012”:

Recently JC Penney announced that comedian Ellen DeGeneres will be the company’s new spokesperson. JC Penney has not contacted OMM, but they made a statement to Yahoo! Shine stating, “JC Penney stands behind its partnership with Ellen DeGeneres.” It is OMM’s responsibility to inform our members so they are able to make educated decisions when shopping.

Be sure to make those “educated decisions” when driving past the nearest JC Penney.

It’s those damn leftists out boycotting everything again!

Freedom to Speech
First Amendment, U.S. Constitution of the United States

In the case of religious reverse-opinion inversion, citizens shall be compelled by the awesome power of force of U.S. government, as granted by the citizenship, to force speech on persons other than themselves.

no-god-christmasBoycott of Target (2005) – A group called “American Family Association” called for a boycott of Target stores because of Target’s “decision not to use the term ‘Christmas’ in any of their in-store, online, or print advertising.” The group successfully obtained signatures of 700,000 people who wore panties in a bunch. These are people who truly love the basic American right of free speech. They love it so much they’ll come after you for not using a word they like. Bizarre!

Target caved and promised to start using the word “Christmas” more. (Boycott hint!)

In another case the AFA went after The Home Depot in 2008 because they used the words “holiday” and “Hanukkah” but not “Christmas.” After the boycott was underway it was demonstrated that the company had used the word “Christmas” in advertising after all. The AFA later published a “correction.” Oops.


The American Family Associate is a particularly egregious evangelizing association. Their job it to force others to participate in their beliefs. They fiercely label any omission of their beliefs as a “war” against those beliefs. Weird. Like it’s the job of American business to promote a particular religious point of view. I think that even outranks making money for the shareholders.

Right now, on the official AFA website, they are bragging about their “Christmas Naughty and Nice List.” This is where they shamelessly judge retailers on how much they recognize the concept of “Christmas.”

rocket-santaTheir website home page also includes a “Hot Topics” section where they urge boycotts (there’s that dreaded word again) of Gap, Old Navy and Banana Republic. In that same section they’re still going after The Home Depot, too, this time for issues like “gay marriage” and “gay military.”

Who needs more holiday cheer when you got groups like the AFA doing wonderful work like this?

Boycotts by liberals: bad. Boycotts by the right: Good. Now can I have some sugarplums?

There you have it. There’s a general disdain from some* on the right when liberals boycott something, but apparently that doesn’t apply when it’s those on the right doing the boycotting. Furthermore, they’ll go a bit further than the principles of free speech and boycott even over words that were never used.

Then they’ll stand back and proudly shout, “It’s a war! It’s a war on Christmas! We’re under attack!”

* Regarding my usage of the word “some.” I believe it is wrong to paint entire groups of people as if they have a shared hive mind. We are individuals. Thus I find statements like “leftists love their boycotts” rude an offensive. Not all liberals think the same. Not all conservatives think the same. There are shades of grey and fringe mentalities in all groups, and when it comes to stuff like the content in this post, I think it’s generally the fringies we’re talking about. Generally.

8 responses

  1. Any post that features a song by Weird Al is A plus, five-star material!

    I got a boycott list and I’m checking it twice, goin’ to see which stores are naughty or nice. Just kidding. I avoid most stores. I hate shopping so it looks like I am boycotting. 😉

    Religious people should be affronted that businesses are exploiting a religious holiday to promote sales. Christmas used to be a strictly religious holiday without all of the secular trimmings.

    Feliz Navidad, señor Abyss! I can’t wait for the 24-hour marathon of “A Christmas Story” starring Ralphie and the leg lamp. There better not be a war on that!


    1. I decree that this comment is a Christmas miracle. It gives me hopes for a cease fire.

      Not really. I just wanted to say something nice. Look out! Here comes a scud missile that says “Property of Bill O’Reilly.”

      Christmas At Ground Zero is one of the most sublime lyrical adventures of all time.

      Jack Snot sprinkled some of his special magic while he was trippin’ at my nose last night. So from now on I’m boycotting stores that don’t use the word “boogers” in their ads.


    1. Very nice. That guy cracks me up! 🙂


  2. I’ve been thinking of my own Christmas post, but I haven’t seemed to be able to actually write a post in about three weeks, so we’ll see how far that gets.

    No one OWNS the concept of Christmas. Or Halloween. Or New Years Day. Or Easter. Or Memorial Day. Or freakin’ Arbor Day for that matter. If some Christians don’t like the co-opting of a purely religious Christmas by society — too #&#&-ing bad. That’s the way this world has rolled for millenia. You think the Roman Pagans appreciated their Saturnalia festival being co-opted by Christians? Or Scandanavians, the Yule celebration? Get over it.

    I like saying “Merry Christmas” to people. It makes me happy, even though the only time I go to church is when my mother-in-law is in town. Sometimes to mix it up I say “Happy Holidays”. Those are not politically motivated choices. If I know someone is not Christian or does not celebrate Christmas, I won’t throw it in their face. Unless they’re dicks.

    If stores want to go full-on Christmas — then go for it! They’ll reap whatever benefits/backlash for their choice. If they go “Holidays”, the same. Here in the science salt mines, half my company is Asian, so we don’t do a “Christmas party”, we do something in January that is both a New Year’s and Chinese New Year’s gig, which is great because there’s booze.


    1. What the hell? You have a remarkably thoughtful perspective. I look forward to roasting you over an open fire.


  3. Ditto everything Steve said including the part about not blogging for three weeks. Maybe we’re off together somewhere plotting a boycott. 😉

    I’m so excited the holiday…scratch that…Christmas season is here only because I know there’ll be much more of this heading our way.

    You jingle, Shouts!


    1. I have absolutely no problem saying Merry Christians during the holiday season. I also don’t mind helping them don their gay apparel.


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