Fixing Social Security in a Fair Way

Image source: Punch Debt in the Face

Image source: Punch Debt in the Face

Yes, yes! To Guru-San you listen. The debt! Remember your failure with the debt!

So yeah, I’ve got the solution that fixes Social Security. The whole thing. Once and for all. The big enchilada. And it does it in a fair way, too.

To those with 10% approval ratings I say, “Stop fiddle-farting around and pass my legislation. Stat!”

Allow me to introduce the Frozen Unilaterally Contributions Kablooey Act of 2013.

The purpose of this bill is to secure and protect the lifetime contributions of Social Security program participants against theft, absondedment, and dilution through the cutting and weakening of benefits. The bill amends Social Security laws and moves to freeze benefit structure based on the original year of contribution.

The Act is basically a grandfather clause that puts restrictions in place that all contributions by a taxpayer to Social Security throughout their entire lifetime must be stratified by the original year of contribution. In other words, funds are aged. Further, funds contributed in any given year are required, under penalty of law, to benefits equal to or greater than the rules that existed at the time of original contribution.

Period. That’s it. Make whatever rules needed from now on to save the program and keep it financially viable. Or end the whole damn thing if you wish. Whatever. But the Act makes a sacrosanct compact with the American people that says, “Your contribution is sacred. It will be honored. You will receive the full benefits, as entitled at the time of your contribution, backed by the full strength and power of the United States government.”

If the number crunches decide that the taxes need to be increased tenfold while reducing benefits to one-percent of their former glory, then so be it. But that will have no effect on what’s already in the books. It wont affect benefits tied to what has already been paid in.

Will the Act be costly? Yes. That’s the usual outcome of improperly predicting the future and creating systems that are unsustainable. But the Act caps these costs by closing the system and enforcing limits that will, eventually, work themselves out. Sometimes when you make a mistake the result can be costly but, in the end, keeping your promises is the right thing to do. The Act becomes the light at the end of the tunnel.

Opting to make cuts to the lifetime contributions of taxpayers instead of the Act would be unwise. That’s when the kablooey effect comes into play. That scenario predicts and unpleasant adjustment phase of civil unrest, disobedience, or worse as entire generations of Americans come to grips with being royally screwed. If SS ain’t there when my turn comes around I will be … displeased. (That’s the understatement of the millennium.)

On the other hand, if I die before ever drawing a penny of my money back, y’all go ahead and give yourselves a pizza party or something.

U.S.A. You’re welcome. Call your congressperson and implore them to enact my Act today. As always, it’s my pleasure to do what I can to help. In the meantime, Uncle Sam, you can toss me a little bone pending retirement. Take off the tax on a cold six-pack. Thanks.

2 responses

  1. Sadly, Social Security was set up like a Ponzi scheme.


    1. Based on where we ended up you might be right.

      Oh, I forgot another provision of the act. Anyone grandfathered in, at any time before drawing benefits, has the right to opt-out and have all of their contributions refunded, with interest. I call it the “I plan to die by 67 option.”


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