Quantum of Grimace: Abyss 2012 Christmas Gift Guide

Rare Abyss Christmas CDBack after a one-year hiatus it’s the Shouts From The Abyss 2012 Christmas Gift Giving Guide! I know you’ve all been waiting with baited breath to see what’s at the top of my list so let’s dive right in. Is that okay with you, Sugarplum?

I promise it’ll be more fun than a black hole.

You’re about to have a super-sized collision with fun!

Home Quantum Singularity Learning Lab Kit

Available in four sizes:

  • Honey I Shrunk My Privates
  • Invert My Room
  • It’s a Beautiful Time-Distorted Day in the Neighborhood
  • We’ll Blow Your Planet Up

Protons and 1.21 gigawatt power source not included. Made in China.

Adult supervision recommended unless something interesting is going on with your net-powered handheld electronic device. The universe can wait.

Excerpt from the Instruction Manual:

Matter and energy one same. And so you! Want know feels? Make you own localized disturbance go space-time continuum for jump right in.

Note: Return trip no guarantee.

I’ll see you on the other side and/or send me a postcard! Captain Proton to the Universe. Out. Ho ho ho.

3 responses

  1. This sounds like the perfect gift. Can’t wait for the infomercial.


    1. If the kit really works then we’ll be able to have Billy Mays around again. I think he’d be awesome for pitching this product. Of course the cocaine budget might make the project unworkable.


  2. Thanks for the post….I enjoy it!


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