I’m always up to my net high-jinx. Without further ado, I’m pleased to announce my latest project, the creation of a new television network. It’s called F.A.N. which stands for the Feckless Abyss Network. I even spared no expense and made the logo all by myself.

I like to hire cheap.

It’s my hope that FAN will become a household name. Our slogan is “FAN. You know what hits us.” And we hope you will, too. Regularly.

I’m still working out the kinks in the lineup but likely shows to be canceled during our first season may include:

• Weapons of News Destruction
• News With Spews
• Leave It, It’s Beaver
• Frenemies
• Know Your Enema
• P.S.I. – Pounds Per Square Inch
• Death Island
• Termination Tuesday – Sudden Death
• The Last Least Loser
• The Dr. Philly Show
• Celebrity Rebar

For sponsors we are actively seeking banks, credit cards, pharmaceutical companies and fast food. That is, everyone except you, Chick-Fil-A.

Of course, the sitcom will be a mainstay and we have many exciting ideas for fresh and exciting content. Read on.
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