Where Farce Won?

Am I the only person in America who noticed something odd about the first presidential debate?

Fasten your seat-belts, ensure your trays and seats are fully upright, and, of course, assume the position. Please turn off all electronic devices including the one you are using to read these very words. This post is about to take-off.


And so it came to pass that at some seemingly random point during the debate, Mitt “The Willard” Romney injected this bit of presidential-style wit into the narrative:

You’re entitled, Mr. President, to your own airplane and your own house, but not your own facts.”
–Mittard Romney, October 3, 2012

Did you notice it? What did you think at the time? It certainly had zing, didn’t it? It sparkled like a true je ne sais quo moment. Wow. That Mitt Romney fellow is fast on his feet!

Or is he?

I remember I had two vivid thoughts the moment those words got wings and shot from his face. First, it came off as pre-planned, rehearsed and rather awkwardly placed. It was almost as if he had decided to use the phrase in advance and was simply looking for a spot. If so, I rather think he jumped the gun. I’ll bet that on the podium in front of him were notes that said something like this: “Don’t forget the phrase. The phrase!!!”

I could be wrong but that’s my impression. Anyone else think something similar as they watched?

The second point was a moment of pure WTF goodness. As in, “Bleep! What the bleep is his bleeping point?”

The president has an airplane? Yep. The president lives in a house? Yep. What the hell was the point of bringing up those two facts? None at all. Unless, of course, they were meant as some kind of dig.

Ahhh. Yes. They were digs.

What the hell kind of digs are those? Stay with me, now. It works a little something like this:

As the president, Obama is required to fly around in an airplane called Air Force One. This, of course, is an extremely bad thing and offends the living fuck shit out of some people. They get so offended that they do things like calculate the cost per hour to run the airplane. Then they can say, “See? Look how much Obama wastes flying around in Air Force One!”

The fact is that every president since Harry S. Truman in 1947 has flown in Air Force One. But if Obama does it? Holy shit! That’s the worst motherfucking thing. EVAR!!!

Fun Factoid of the Day: The cost of flying Air Force One was estimated to be $181,000 per hour and this was by FOX News back in 2010 so you know it’s accurate. Obama should be criticized since every president before him chose to pay for it with their frequent flyer miles. As always, obstinate Obama is the odd man out. Greedy bastard.

Same thing with the White House. Romney’s snide little dig impugns the president having the sheer audacity to actually dare to reside in America’s official presidential structure of power. Jesus! How dare he? Who the hell does he think he is? Damn narcissist!

This sort of attack stratergy is nothing new. It’s been around ever since certain frothy-mouthed persons on the right figured out that Obama did other things that were never done before in the history of the U.S. presidency, like use a teleprompter during speeches. ZOMG! Hell, why not accuse him of plagiarism for using a speechwriter’s words, too? A speechwriter??? Wow. Is there anything Obama won’t do himself? It sure isn’t like the George W. Bush “golden age” of presidentialism where teleprompters didn’t exist and the president always wrote every single damn word of his own speeches.

Yeah, George W. Bush loved to string words together into … what were they called again? Oh, yeah. Those sentence-things. He loved to handcraft those.

I can only tip my hat to Mr. Mitt Romney and say, “Gee, thanks. Thanks for showing us all what a clean campaign looks like.”

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for a little “charitable giving” style of joke. Luckily, unlike Romney, I never promised to keep things clean.

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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