Top Ten Ways To Kill With The iPad 3 And iOS 6

iPad: It’s what’s for dinner. Don’t forget your appkin.

Tonight’s top ten list straight from the home orifice in the green room below the only functional outhouse in downtown Abyss:

Top Ten Ways To Kill With The iPad 3 And iOS 6

Here we go…

10. Hurled (as if like a shuriken) directly into the temple.

9. Used to prop up 50-gallon drum of ACME Goo above front door at Road Runner’s house.

8. Slideshow of Lindsay Lohan’s face using Photos app.

7. Replace home button with trigger to AK-47.

6. Cover with catnip, load “exotic cats for sale” page on Craiglist and offer to any lion tamer at work.

5. Mix up a smoothie containing mango, kiwi and iPad.

4. Jailbreak and reprogram to continuous play Toxic by Britney Spears at full volume with stop/pause disabled.

3. Strap iPad to thermonuclear device and hide under sofa cushion.

2. Dip iPad completely in synthetic olive oil, load It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time video, leave iPad on stairs. You know, because bananas are slippery.

1. Buy one.

Why is “iOS 6” in the subject line? What possible difference does that make?

Pros: It’s the latest and the greatest mobile operating system. And shiny.

Cons: Apple Maps may get you lost on the way to the killing.

Can you think of other ways to kill using an iPad? Use the comments section below!

5 responses

  1. Buy an ipad with someone elses credit card. Let the sticker shock heart attack from their bill kill them.


    1. I don’t think we need any more entries. You win. For your prize I just need the last three digits on the back of your card.


  2. Good info to have on hand.


    1. What you don’t know could kill you.

      All iPads must be checked at the door.


  3. […] this article: Top Ten Ways To Kill With The iPad 3 And iOS 6 « Shouts from the … Posted in Uncategorized Tags: below-the-only, from-the-home, functional-outhouse, Green, Home, […]


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