How to Blog

It was Saturday morning and I had a blog post to pump out lest my streak towards 1,000 days of continuous blogging fell into jeopardy. Yes, it was Saturday, but there was little time for blogging. Chores were waiting.

Luckily, for once in my my life, I already had an idea percolating in my head. I knew exactly what I wanted to write about. This shouldn’t take long, I thought to myself, right before everything went straight to Hell.

My nibble fingers flew over that keyboard and the prose poured out. I was on fire.

A few paragraphs in I decided to review what I had written so far. The diatribe, I mean blog post, was chock full of bile spew, bitter histrionics and hate. I had failed to inject a bit of humor. You know, like I always do. (Fail, I mean.)

I thought about how I could rework the post to try to salvage something from the effort.

“Shit,” I said. “This one’s a goner.” I saved it to the cemetery of hateful failures that are intended to be repaired but actually never get visited again. That place looks just like a scene from The Matrix or What Dreams May Come (take your pick).

Fortunately I had a backup plan. No, it wasn’t an item from the list entitled “Blogging Ideas.” I seldom use anything from that shithole. I guess I don’t like to be that predictable.

Instead I culled an idea from personal experience that very morning. I had to admit. The idea had merit. I grabbed my camera and snapped several pictures to go with the post. Yes, this idea might work well.

I started writing and quickly could see the humor possibilities. Not that they would pay off for other people. My humor is like stale Klingon leftovers. “A dish best shared alone.”

A few paragraphs were written and I liked the way things were going. But then I realized that this was going to be one of thoselongish posts. You know the kind. The ones that never get read. It was going to take actual effort. Research, image editing, and thoughtful ponderings to flesh out the idea properly. “Damn,” I cursed. There just wasn’t enough time.

So I filed that post, too.

Now I needed Idea #3. I needed it quick. And I needed it to be something that I could pump out in a matter of seconds. I thought, “What’s been on my mind lately?” I realized I was panting slightly at the thought of Mitt Romney, and how some people would vote for anyone as long as it wasn’t Barack Obama. Viola! A lightbulb went off in my head.

Tap tap tap. Ding! Done. Bing. Bada. Boom.

A potato! Wow, I was really cracking myself up. πŸ™‚ And I’m pleased to say that post is already #4 in Google for the phrase: obama idaho potato nuclear waste science

A post was born. And, as usual, it got more love than my 2,000 word masterpieces ever get. It seems the less effort and thought I put into a post the better it is received.

Click here if you want to see the post: That Really Gets My Vote

The thought occurs to me that the act of blogging involves writing something (anything!) and posting it to a blog. However, no element of readership is required or implied. That part, for some, remains completely and utterly optional.

I think I’m doing this blogging thing all wrong.

9 responses

  1. I read your blog- I don’t know why I do, but I do none-the-less ;o)

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    1. When you can answer that question, it will be time for you to go, Grasshopper.

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  2. I am infamous for writing things and then never posting them…. haha

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    1. LOL! Yeah. Not all ideas work out. In my case, I realize there is nothing funny about them. But some like that still get through.

      I’ve been admiring your work for a long time. In fact, I happened to see a certain word float across the internet in your blog title the other done. Well played! I’ve done that myself from time to time.

      Naughty, naughty! πŸ™‚

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      1. I do what I can πŸ™‚

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  3. Wait – so you think about stuff before you post it?
    EUREKA!

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    1. Now how in the hell did I ever give that impression? Now I’ve went and misled you!

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  4. I need an electrical shock system set up so that whenever my blog post draft exceeds, oh, I don’t know?β€”800 words, my testicles feel the surge of a million readers turning off their computers without properly ejecting the disk. Ouch.

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    1. Yeah, but they are fun to slip in there every once in a while. You can stand back and proudly say, “I wrote. A lot!”

      My wife tells me, seemingly every day, “No more 2,000 word posts!” I love constructive criticism.

      Like

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