Termination Tuesday – All Good Things

Sponsored by Preparation H.

Termination is such sweet sorrow.

Who, me?

Finally! A Termination Tuesday post where I don’t have to create a poll. It’s over. And it wasn’t even close.

The Super Bowel was a blowout. (You really can’t say that sentence enough, can you?)

In an anticlimactic shutout victory, Wood Chipper became a World Champion and the first ever winner of the Termination Tuesday competition sponsored by the Shouts From The Abyss blog.

Why a “world” champion when the tournament took place here in the United States? No particular reason. That’s just how irrelevant we Americans deem the rest of you son of a bitches really are, you know?

The heavy favorite Wood Chipper kept it classy to the end, wearing a “world champion” t-shirt and hat at the start of the competition.

On the field after the competition, Wood Chipper said, “I’m going to Disneyland.” This was seen by many to be a slap in the face at Disneyland Ride who was eliminated in the first round of Termination Tuesday.

Fans back home at A&E and TLC watched the competition and cheered for local favorite Crushed (hoarding). Spokespersons for both networks expressed pride that the underdog had made it so far.

So, this is it. The big goodbye. As they say, all good things must come to an end and so it must be with this series of posts. It is time for death to ride off into the sunset. This reporter has appreciated the opportunity to cover this event and appreciates everyone who took the time to vote. You should all be very proud of yourselves and what we accomplished here. Together. Go team!

Be sure to pick up some officially licensed Termination Tuesday gear and jerseys on your way out. Personally I’m going for the Ice Pick to Head t-shirt with “Taker” on the back. And an Immurement beer cozy, of course.


11 responses

  1. Big applause for the wood chipper, worthy winner… so going to miss the polls though…


    1. Wood Chipper eats applause for breakfast. Thanks for the comment. I keep telling my wife that the people demanded this series of posts as a public service. Even so, I think she remains skeptical.


  2. Don’t you have any ferrriners voting? That could make it “world”y?


    1. You know how us Americans feel about those ferriners. I just remarked about that to my furrier friend from Czechoslovakia early this week.


  3. Next up…Taco Tuesdays. Stay tuned to hear all about Mr. A’s battle to greatness, by shoving as many tasty Tacos as he can into his huge Taco hole and then blog about from very beginning to the burning end. There will be polls, YouTubes and Taco Tweets!

    Abyss, let the games begin and may all the Tacos be ever in your favor.


    1. Hmm. You’re still here? When did that happen?!?

      I see what you did there. Super Bowel followed by tacos. I think you got the cart before the horse. In my experience it works the other way around.

      You know what they say: Be careful what you wish for. I just might fill the void (the size of that Taco hole you mentioned) with Taco Tuesday. Although it might not be what you expect.

      You’d be surprised the amount of damage I can do with a single taco. Be afraid.


  4. I feel so lost now that this is all over. It’s like I no longer have any purpose, nothing to keep me going. I may have to throw myself into a wood chipper.


    1. Still feeling lost? Maybe it’ll rise like a phoenix from the flames.


  5. A weird and wonderful series of posts, Shouts. Only one question…where was Naked Twister is all this? If you wear stilettos that game is more dangerous than a taco tummy overload…more blood, less aroma…if you get my oh so subtle drift. 🙂


    1. A good question that deserved a response. Naked Twister, where are you? Was that the x-rated version of that storm chaser movie? I sure hope it didn’t involved nipples. Shudder.


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