Listen up, maggots! They call them presidential campaigns. As we all know, “campaign” is a military term. War is hell. Thus, voluntarily enlisting to receive emails from political campaigns means you are in The Shit.

Wisely I signed up for both campaigns over a year ago. It seems longer. One year in campaign chronology feels more like seven. There. Now we can introduce the word “dog” into the discussion. Like “dog years” and “dogs of war.”

Yes, I said both campaigns. Obama’s and Romney’s. I didn’t bother with the minor players, the lieutenants with feelings of grandeur who thought they were generals. The bit part players with egos bigger than the entire theater. (Another fitting military term that is also descriptive of the activity.)

I never bothered to sign up for emails from Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Michelle Bachmann, Ron Paul, Tim Pawlenty, Thaddeus McCotter, Jon Hunstman and the remaining cast of characters, so I can’t speak to any bullshit they might have pulled in their campaign emails.

Check it, I’m about to say something positive about Sarah Palin. This will come to be a red-letter date in history. You’ll note Sarah Palin isn’t mentioned in that list of dropouts. Even though she has the ego, too, she never bothered to start, and that seems to indicate an awareness of the world around her that the others lacked. She knew she couldn’t win. And if you know you can’t win, why even bother to try? Thus she wisely ignored the stigma of losing. In politics, you don’t want too many of those. The end up being a lot like those floatation barrels that Quint liked to shoot into Jaws. You can probably handle one or two, but get a couple more poking from the side of your belly and you’ll end up floating on the surface like a listless carp. Trust me. No one wants to see that in politics.

So kudos to Sarah Palin for that. Even though it did free her up for more Defend Freedom bus tours where she sells lots of books. Oh shit. Never mind.

Viola! That’s my intro. Click the jump link for even more… 🙂
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