Goldman got Sachs

I’d be remiss in my duties as Chief Bellyacher if I failed to address the recent stylish resignation of former Goldman Sachs executive Greg Smith.

I will not be remiss in my duties!

With one letter, Mr. Smith achieved hero cult status here in the Abyss and came within a hair’s breadth of dethroning Rob Corddry as being “chiseled from the clay of the Gods.” (Don’t worry, though. Corddry weathered the storm.)

MEMORANDUM

From the Desk of the Guru

To: Mr. Greg Smith
From: Tom B. Taker
Subject: I propose a toast

As you have been knighted in the Realm of the Abyss (no salary is implied or inferred) I most humbly address you as:

Dear Sir Smith,

Salute! You and I are brothers, only you are the one with actual guts. Yes, that means I’m the gutless one. I’ve been forced to live vicariously through your exploits. Long may they continue!

To express my appreciation, I’ve prepared a humble titular honorific to celebrate the way I feel. I bestow upon you the position, “Patron Saint of the Abyss.”

Keep up the good work. Or not. (wink, wink) Hahahahaha!

Sincerely yours,

–Tom

I found the reaction to Greg Smith’s letter of resignation letter published in the New York Times very interesting. Talk about rose-colored glasses. To some, like me, what he wrote was a beacon of light. It was insider validation of everything we knew to be true in our gut. To others, though, who I call the “icky people,” they poo-poo’d what Mr. Smith had written. They had his letter analyzed and said shit like, “The letter says more about him that it does about Goldman Sachs.” They tried to turn it all inside-out and topsy-turvy.

Bastards.

Sure, some of the letter was subjective. That’s the thing about the “culture” of companies. It exists but it’s not in writing. It’s a quintessential example of plausible deniability. It may very well be true but it’s not provably true, thus, suck it.

However, some of the letter contained statements that could be proved or disproved. For example, Mr. Smith said clients were referred to as “muppets” including emails. That sounds like a statement that is either true or false. I’d love to see Mr. Smith produce these emails and shut all of his naysayers up.

Or, perhaps, some other stalwart person still in the shit (codespeak for still employed by Goldman Sachs) would like to step forward and provide Mr. Smith with some backup? I’ll buy you a beer if you do! Redacted emails will work just fine.

The only real question is: Was Mr. Smith telling the truth? Calling him a liar is too simple of a response.

At this time I’d now like to recognize Great Quitters in the History of Employment.

Job quitters are the happiest people around.
—lifehacker.com – How to Deal with Soulless Careerists

The public isugly and most people can only deal with so much shit. That’s my take on the famous flight attendant who quit his job, grabbed two beers, and slid his way into history after being subjected to profanity from amotherfucker – oops, I mean “passenger.” This man is still a hero to me, even though he ended up in jail and his life hasn’t exactly gone well since that fateful day. He was also ordered to pay his former employer, JetBlue, $10,000 in blood money – oops, I mean “restitution.”

Can you think of any other employees who throw in the towel with the same dignity, style and grace? (Peeing on the boss’ desk is overrated although I’m sure it feels awesome at the time.) If you can think of others, please put them in the comments section below and I’ll consider them for my new hit TV show, Great Quitters in the History of Employment. These people deserve to be honored for their achievements! (And no, Sarah Palin doesn’t count.)