How to Kill People

I normally love the men and women of law enforcement. (Seriously.) So when they speak and try to tell us something important, personally I feel we should listen.

If we listen carefully enough to the echoes of the Travyon Martin case out of Florida, USA, there’s an important lesson to be learned. Sanford Police Chief Billy Lee said there was no evidence to dispute Zimmerman’s assertion that he shot Martin out of self-defense.

Critically analyze that message and we realize that the police just told us how to kill people and always get away with it. (Note: This logic applied may not apply outside of the great state of Florida. Use discretion in other states.)

  • Move to Florida.
  • Get yourself a piece. AKA gun or firearm.
  • Get yourself a concealed carry permit.
  • Per Florida’s “shoot first law” try to find a way to feel nervous or frightened.
  • Make sure there are no eyewitnesses prior to initiating kill scenario.
  • Find lone victim, preferably armed with Skittles and iced tea (or less).
  • Use deadly force.

Follow these steps properly and the police will say they have no choice but to let you go.

8 responses

    1. We grok. That rocks.


  1. Deborah the Closet Monster | Reply

    there was no evidence to dispute Zimmerman’s assertion that he shot Martin out of self-defense

    These are some of the most terrifying words I have ever read. Ever.

    How can people who don’t understand the law be tasked with enforcing it?



    1. The police got offended by the criticism I guess. They admitted that they were “probably” the source of leaked information that was critical of the deceased. Classy.


  2. We haven’t heard the last of this story…there’s more to come. As always, it’s never what it seems.


    1. Now they’re saying bad things about Trayvor Martin. That doesn’t change the basic facts that he was killed while carrying no weapon of any kind. Or that George Zimmerman followed him, thus initiating the encounter.

      I admit we don’t know the whole story.

      When I took my class for a concealed carry permit I was taught to go above any beyond to avoid conflict, lest you look like the instigator. When someone is dead and someone is still alive, looking like the instigator is usually not desirable. (This, of course, makes no difference in Florida.)

      I remember you spent time in Florida. I’m so grateful you’re okay.


      1. The only time I felt threatened in Florida was when I got surrounded by a gang of Croc-wearing octogenarians.


  3. Yeah, and they were all packin’ heat.

    We recently saw a musical called The Great American Trailer Park which takes place in, you guessed it – Florida! In one scene a bad guy pulls draws down and everyone else on the stage responds by pulling out firearms of their own.

    Florida – The land of gated communities and trailer parks. If I had known this earlier I wouldn’t have survived your trip.


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