Love it or leave it, Constitution style

Why do you make it so easy for me to poop on you?

“All right. Now they’re asking to be pooped on. Let’s go for poop backup.”

In 1779 by Thomas Jefferson, proclaimed:

[N]o man shall be compelled to frequent or support any religious worship, place, or ministry whatsoever, nor shall be enforced, restrained, molested, or burthened in his body or goods, nor shall otherwise suffer, on account of his religious opinions or belief; but that all men shall be free to profess, and by argument to maintain, their opinions in matters of religion, and that the same shall in no wise diminish, enlarge, or affect their civil capacities.

Source: Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I so enjoy preaching to deaf ears. If the so-called “founding fathers” wanted this to be a Christian nation they might have gone to bother of actually mentioning it.

I’ve got a copy of the Constitution. And I know how to count words and perform a search for the word “God.” (Which is, coincidentally, about the only time I ever deliberately look for him/her.) I’ve written about this before in a post humbly entitled, You Don’t Have The Constitution For That.

Rather than going the obvious route for Christian nation status they did this:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof…
–First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States

Weird. It doesn’t say anything about this being a Christian-only nation. I guess they forgot?

This weird little clause gives Americans the freedom – and the right – to believe what they want. They can believe, or not, in the existence of God. They can be Catholics, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Mormons and Wiccans. They can even be atheists.

Someone better tell Dennis Terry a document called the Constitution exists. He’s the one who said the other day, “This nation was founded as a Christian nation.” Normally I could give a flying shit less what a douchebag like this blowhole has to say, but at the time he was introducing Rick Santorum. You know, just a guy who wants to be the President of the United States.

Here’s Dennis Terry’s pithy, fiery and brimstoney introduction:

Yep. If you don’t worship, “The one God, Jesus Christ,” then you need to “GET OUT!!!” By the way, I thought there were three parts of the Holy Trinity, the Father, Son and Holy Ghost? (At least that’s what I learned from the song American Pie of which I’m a devout believer.) What’s all this about Jesus being the “one” God? I thought God was his dad? And they were one and the same? Now I find out Jesus is in charge? What about filial love? This all gets so complicated, I guess.

The dude bitches about religious intolerance, telling several baldfaced lies in the process, then flaps his mouth and says just about the most intolerant thing one American ever can say to another American: “Leave this country because you don’t believe what I do.” And so much for tolerance and religious freedom, eh? The irony is that the dude is too friggin’ stupid and hateful to be aware of what is spewing from his very own face.

One of the tired old lies he tells is the bitch about not being able to pray when and where he wants. As long as you got a brain, you’ve got the power of prayer, don’t you? Unless, of course, one wants to prance around and pray in a very public way. You know? Put on airs. Be religiously histrionic. Show everyone (besides God) just how pious you really are.

It turns out that the Bible speaks to this. Matthew 6:6 (watch for me at basketball games with this sign soon) which states:

But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
–Matthew 6:6

Of course some people who presume to know the mind of God sure seem to get off on public prayer. “Hey everybody! Look how good I can pray. I’m such a good Christian! Neener, neener.”

Do you want to pray? Go ahead. Pray ’em if you got ’em. You can do it any damn time you want. Close your eyes and mentally give it all you got. (In Terry’s case, of course, that won’t be much.) There is no force on the Earth that can interfere with the power of your own brainwaves.

Jesus, I wish they’d quite telling this particular lie. Hell, even kids in school can do it if they want.

Santorum then trotted out on stage and didn’t punch the dude in the face. Yeah, I know! Instead he allowed the fellow to put his hand on his shoulder and bowed his head solemnly as the dude prayed. It’s live Pray-Per-View right on the holy television set! Blessed be!

Later, though, Santorum wanted to clarify that he didn’t agree with everything Terry said and he denied clapping during Terry’s introduction. Wow. Talk about a rousing denial. I’m so convinced.

Of course, by the time this post is out there, Santorum will already be yesterday’s news. He’s done for and I, for one, thank God for that! (Insert Tebow move here.)

Then there is the case of Jessica Ahlquist, a 16-year-old atheist high school student who won a lawsuit against her school forcing them to remove a prayer banner from the school’s gymnasium where it had hung for 49 years.

How did the religious community, with all of their omnipresent concern about religious freedom and such, react to her? Wanting to feed her to the lions might be an understatement.

State Representative Peter G. Palumbo, a Democrat from Cranston, Rhode Island, called Jessica “an evil little thing.” Ah, they are good at this religious freedom stuff, eh? And compassion, understanding and forgiveness, too. (That must be the other trinity.)

Next came a wave of threatening comments about Jessica on Twitter that were so bad, even the police said they would investigate. Another classy move by the religious folk.

Local business people then publicly stated they would refuse to provide her with services. And one brainiac called Jessica an “idiot” and recommended that Jessica stop using United States currency because the words “In God We Trust” are printed on the money. (Yeah, why doesn’t she just exercise her right to use the optional God-free currency so thoughtfully provided? Sheesh!) But that’s another issue and another glorious testament to religious “freedom” in this country. Does it excite the genitals of religious people to force other people to use objects imprinted with their own beliefs? Based on empirical evidence I can only assume that must be true.

So, in summation, religious freedom apparently means you have to go with their flow or they will shower you with death threats. And then a preacher will tell you to get out of America. And lies will be told by people who want things to be their way.

Forget about me, bitches? Bad move. Poop, poop, poop!

Like Jessica, I’ve been an atheist for a long time. As a youngin’ I remember having to fake a belief in God just so I could join DeMolay. And I’ve had to be coy about my beliefs during job interviews. (I like to wait until probation is over then come out of the atheist closest. Ha ha, suckers.) It isn’t that hard to do. And yet, me, the evil intolerant one on his way to Hell, when I had a child of my own, I wanted to give him every opportunity to develop his own beliefs. Therefore I kept my atheism carefully hidden from my child and encouraged his religious growth. I wanted him to make up his own mind and decide for himself. (Can you imagine a religious person doing the inverse of this? I can’t.) He says he’s an atheist now and, of course, I support his choice, and I’m glad that I didn’t push him into that belief.

You know what? I feel more tolerant just writing this. These people are truly motivating and inspiring. Only the most real Americans of all can tell all the rest to get out.

11 responses

  1. Damn beautiful, Shout. Can I get an AMEN??!!! You give me chills and inspire me!


    1. Forced out of retirement from the damn happy place, Living Dilbert rides in to save the day. It warms my heart to know you are still out there, somewhere, watching over me.

      You are my guardian angel.

      And thanks for the AMEN! I always worry about going to far. Now I’m wondering if I shouldn’t have held back so much. 🙂


  2. I second the “Amen, brother!” Great post. It’s like you were reading my mind as you wrote it.

    Some of those people scare the bejeesus out of me!


    1. Hey, thanks. That means a lot to me. I’d read your mind but it would enhance me and cheapen you, and I just couldn’t do that to you.


  3. And to top it all off, I can’t buy a bottle of wine on Sunday. The local Publix here in Georgia is open but when I took the bottle to the cashier, she told me she couldn’t sell it to me…’cause it’s the Lord’s day.

    So, I guess Jesus is in rehab…from all that water that turned into wine…just not on a Sunday. Must have been one hell of a Saturday night.


    1. Sunday is the Lord’s day. That’s why Saturday is Booze Shopping Day. I’d sure love to see the graph of alcohol sales by day of the week in Georgia! 🙂


      1. One of the few times in my life I’ve been speechless. Shocking.


  4. Blessed Be to Bob the Almighty!
    Or whomever…..

    I have known many “Saturday Night Christians” in my day, Church Saturday night, so they could PARTY in HIS name… and pray to the porcelain god all night, refuting all sins the next day if only He’ll save them.

    Maybe it should have been Tea the water was turned into… instead of wine? If you subscribe to the possibility that the Bible is actually a historical document, instead of hysterical.

    Oops. Shouldn’t have said that out loud. I’m going to hear about that for sure…


    1. I may be biased, but most the people I’ve met in this small town who loudly proclaim their Christianity act very differently than how I might have imagined. It’s mostly the lie, cheat and steal that throws me, I guess.

      I view the Bible as being written by ancient nerds. Back then only nerds spent hours upon hours making up stuff and writing it down. Back then it was probably the equivalent of fantasy fiction. And the people back then had beliefs and knowledge very different than ours. It doesn’t make much sense to follow those writings like they constitute a bible or something.


  5. Christians should be grateful that the Constitution protects them from the intrusions of other religions. Whatever rights you take for yourself, you must respect in others. Amen.

    There were many flavors of Christians in early America, and people like Thomas Jefferson could already see the infighting as some sects tried to dominate. Jefferson particularly disliked one of his very religious teachers and wanted to protect the rest of us from religious bullies like that. Namaste.


    1. I was just reading the other day about the early American colony and how Quakers were executed. The King of England had to order that the practice was abolished.

      Only a few years later came the Salem Witch Trials.

      How much have we really progressed since then?


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