The Mitt Stand Romney

Click Me. But if your name is Alice you can Eat Me.

What does it mean to take a stand on principle? A stand where you say, “Not here. Not now. Not today. This far, no further! The line must be drawn here!!”

And then, a day later, you say, “Oh, what the hell. Give it to me.”

That is sooooooo inspiring! I feel the power of goodness coursing through my veins just because you allow me to bask in your greatness. Right up to the point where you expose it as a lie.

AHHHHHHH!!!

Mitt Romney is so darn moral, he once opted-out of a big financial deal because it involved Artisan Entertainment and they produced, gasp, R-rated films! (Source.)

Yes, that is truly inspiring.

Romney also criticized pornography as a “cesspool” and vowed that, if elected president, he would enforce anti-pornography laws. Romney says that it is “imperative that we cultivate the promotion of fundamental family values.” And one of the ways to do this is “strict enforcement of our nation’s obscenity laws, as well as the promotion of parental software controls that guard our children from Internet pornography.”

Wow. That is conviction. He’s actually willing to give lip service to an idea. If that doesn’t mean a lot, I don’t know what does!

But wait. What’s this?

Pornography

Romney has criticized what he calls the “cesspool” of pornography; however, in July 2007, Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, the president of the American Family Foundation, and Daniel Weiss, media analyst for James Dobson’s Focus on the Family said Romney had not prevented Marriott Hotels from making pornography available in its hotel rooms when he served on the hotel chain’s board from 1992 to 2001. In an Associated Press interview, Romney said he was unaware of how much revenue the hotels generated from pornography, although he had served on the board’s financial audit committee.

Romney said, “I am not pursuing an effort to try and stop adults from being able to acquire or see things that I find objectionable—that’s their right—but I do vehemently oppose practices or business procedures that will allow kids to be exposed to obscenity.”

Source: Wikipedia

Holy shit. If I feel any more inspired I might just throw up.

I'm making waffles! Romney can't have all the fun!

Wanna imagine what Romney would look like as president? He’s already got taking the fifth down pat, and the “I don’t remember” Washington two-step. “Putting me on your board of directors is a move for unawareness. I promise to know the least! Especially about the values I brag and pontificate about the most!”

I don’t care what side of whatever political fracas you’re on. You gotta admit. It takes mad skills to piss off folks like the Family Research Council and the American Family Foundation, and let us not forget Focus on the Family. Romney did the unthinkable and pulled off the pornography hat trick!

So, which is it, Mitt? Is it “imperative” that we protect family values or is it let adults do what they want? Is that a reasonable question to ask? Would it be wrong to say that your answer depends on timing and circumstance and the effect on your wallet? I couldn’t help but notice that when you were dipping in that well your position became a lot softer.

A man of contradictions. A man who won’t support R-rated movies yet won’t say no to making money on some kind of hotel room porn. Taking a stand!

There used to be a business called Blockbuster Video. They rented movies on DVDs and stuff. I remembered hearing about them bragging about drawing a line in the sand about family values. They would NOT, they promised, ever carry pornography. It was so touching. Then I went into a Blockbuster location and found a little movie called House of Whipcord on the shelves. It was a quirky romantic movie about women scantily-clad women being whipped. That was it. That was the whole plot. Whip those women! It was only rated R so Blockbuster was clearly able to take the moral high ground by renting it to make a buck.

I remember standing there in the Blockbuster, video in hand, and thinking to myself, “So this is what they meant by family values! Good to know. That’s useful information.”

In fact, I just googled it and Blockbuster still has that shit on their website. Not only that but they’ll even help you find “similar” entertainments. Wow! Now that’s what I call taking a stand!

Remember, a vote for Mitt is a vote for pornography! Or is that a vote against pornography? Whatever! A vote for Mitt is something about pornography, and that has got to mean something! And some other stuff, too. Depending on important stuff like his wallet. A vote for Mitt is a vote for wallets!