Big Shot
OK. Hey, I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
(audience laughter)
Mr. MARTIN: That’s right, for every one you buy, I get two. So I can just have about as much as I want, you know what I mean? And it doesn’t affect me.
(sound of someone falling)
–Steve Martin
“Studies.” Some people say that word with utter contempt. “What the hell can studies tell us about anything? Fuck studies.”
Let’s review a few of my favorites.
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Termination Tuesday – The Fucked Up Fracas – Week 2
Another one bites the dust leaving seven worthy competitors. This week, two more enter the Hexagon of Death. (I’ve always had a thing for hexagons.) But only one will live on to fight another day.
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In Praise of Praise (reblog)
My live tweet coverage of the Oscars:
https://twitter.com/#!/shoutabyss/status/173942427688779776
Personally I think they could have mentioned the number “84” a few more times. Lost opportunity here.https://twitter.com/#!/shoutabyss/status/173947440947396610
Just a few minutes in and I already wanted to kill myself because I scored perfect zeros on success, beauty and fame. The Oscars were underway!https://twitter.com/#!/shoutabyss/status/173947803461091329
He didn’t bring his A game. And I couldn’t hear him during his song. The music was way too loud and his mic was way too low. Perhaps they should have rehearsed before going live.https://twitter.com/#!/shoutabyss/status/173951661184786432
I wonder how much Nasonex paid for the shot.https://twitter.com/#!/shoutabyss/status/173952075179364353
I’ve heard a lot about The Help, mainly that the movie changed too much from the book, but I didn’t know anything about a poop pie. Count me in!https://twitter.com/#!/shoutabyss/status/173952184810086400
I have nothing negative to say about her. She’s incredible.https://twitter.com/#!/shoutabyss/status/173952450225635328
Ah. Bring on the nipple slip controversy. Some TV stations are doing the blur thing. Idiots. I raised my Slippery Nipple and toasted her dress (or lack thereof) and cursed the existence of “wardrobe tape.”https://twitter.com/#!/shoutabyss/status/173954531854532610
Real human emotion. Oh shit. It’s affecting me. Next!https://twitter.com/#!/shoutabyss/status/173957872496017409
Hugo! No, you go. Please. Why don’t you both go? In your Yugo.https://twitter.com/#!/shoutabyss/status/173958792445308928
Diet Coke aimed for cheese and succeeded brilliantly. As in, “I just threw up in my Diet Coke.” Ellen, however, was the bomb. Her commercial actually made me miss regular TV.https://twitter.com/#!/shoutabyss/status/173962707609976833
All night long, only when the Oscars were on (and not during commercials) there was something wrong with the audio. Some sort of weird background or feedback effect. My wife described it as honking. Whatever it was, I think they did the best thing possible by not making any attempts to fix it. It was probably a subliminal track instructing us all to think that Martin Scorsese is somehow cute.After that I became very disinterested and didn’t tweet again.
Sally Field’s “You like me!” Academy Award Acceptance Speech for “Places in the Heart.”
Tonight is the 84th annual Academy Award (Oscar) show. I’ve only seen one of the main movies up for an award, so I don’t know how interested I’ll be in watching, but the Oscar show brought to mind Sally Field’s acceptance speech when she said, “You like me.” I watched the broadcast when Sally Field made this acceptance speech, and I did see the movie, “Places in the Heart,” which brings me to the point of this post, which is not about the movies but about being acknowledged. Most of us want to be liked or approved of in some way. Strangely, many people also seem to be very stingy with praise, even when it’s warranted. Millions of words have been written about how easily we toss around compliments so much that the praise is…
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Santorum’s Tripling Drown
Hillary Clinton with a glass that reportedly contains Crown Royal. I've never seen her look happier. Woots!
Carmen, read to the end. The musical selection at the bottom has, hopefully, just the right amount of twang. Maybe you can finish one of my musical selections for once? 🙂
Call it “Triple Down Economics,” if you will.
Do you know some of the general specifics of the tax plans of the GOP candidates? Today I want to examine a surprising aspect of the plan offered by Rick Santorum.
To preface these comments, let me say this: I don’t know much about taxes except that I get screwed over by them and that if you took all of the tax money I have paid and will pay in my entire lifetime you wouldn’t have enough money to pay for the red paint to make the letter “U” in “USA” on the side near the bottom of the Saturn IV rocket.
I have no idea what the hell the bloody difference is between the “Child Tax Credit” and the “personal exemption for dependent children.” In fact, if I did, I’d ask you to shoot me in the head.
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Boss cancer
If you ever want to feel really depressed, do a google image search on the word cancer. Now I want to die. I picked this image as it is one of the more uplifting ones.
Even though the boss does everything in his power to prevent it, the new company website is proceeding at a snail’s pace. He frequently brags to people how this project has been his baby for “years” now. Yeah, excelling at being an idiot is something to be proud of. Remember: Boss is another word for the opposite of results.
This week something strange happened. In spite of the boss’ efforts, a customer actually placed an order and attempted to buy some of his inane shit.
It was an odd moment.
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Bat Shit Crazy
What? Two blog posts in the same week with a bad word in the title? What gives? Better click in to find out.
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The street smarts
We all know what they say about business. “Location, location, location.” It’s the subtle way of saying that location is important.
What you may not know is the next thing that makes merchants froth at the mouth.
Parking, parking, parking.
Froth is an understatement.
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Shouts from the Abyss 
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