Daily Archives: December 19th, 2011

Make me Viral

According to the Pooper-Scooper law you have to pick those up!

This humble missive, by far, with 10 retweets and counting, is my most successful tweet of all time. Sad, huh?

If you care about baby kittens (as opposed to the full grown kind) and children named¬†Ndugu in other continents you’ll click on it in that magical way (don’t ask me where) and gimme a retweet, too.

This could be My Moment¬†(Rebecca Black style) and I really hope you’ll help make it so. I promise to fanatically remember each and every one of you who clicks the DISLIKE button.

The Klout Pout Boogie #Klout #influence #poop

Merry Christmas, son. I got you some Klout.

First I saw vague references to something called “Klout” on tweets. Things like “I just Klouted someone” or “I got nudged on my Klout.”

Since I didn’t know what a “Klout” was, my brain utterly ignored these tweets. They were invisible. (I know I just contradicted my first sentence. STFU! Hey, who’s the writer here?) Much like the native peoples who couldn’t see European “tall ships” offshore or the way I can’t find the mayonnaise jar when my wife has moved it front and center on the top shelf in the fridge.

Eventually I learned that Klout was a website/company that provides “social media analytics.” Finally! A company to fill that need in our society. Screw the 1 billion or more people without access to safe drinking water and the 2 billion without access to toilets. We got Klout. Yeah!

Naturally I signed right up.

I learned that Klout measures “influence.” As near as I can figure, this a measurement of how good you are at getting other humans to do that most holy of acts: spend money.
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