This story is part of BlogFestivus: 12 short stories, 12 days, 12 Days of Christmas. An I.Q. of 12 is also extremely helpful but not required. Oh, the stories have to be exactly 144 words in length, too. You know, that’s 12 times 12. (Use a calculator if you need proof.) The real bitch of this challenge is that you have to incorporate the words from the famous “12 Days of Christmas” song, too. Sick stuff, really. You can find more of these unique stories by clicking this link for a complete list of festive BlogFestivus participants.
The Book of Tom
by Tom B. Taker
Tom was out back catching up on some gardening. He was kneeling by a bush when it suddenly burst into flame.
“What the fuck?” Tom shouted, leaping away and peeing himself a little.
“Calm down, Tom. It’s only me. God.”
“Oh,” Tom replied, completely nonplussed. “Nice to meet you, I guess. Listen, I’m a little busy at the moment, and I also need to change my shorts.” Tom turned to walk away, showing his back to the bush. Its flames flashed through spectrums of color in surprise.
“Hang on a sec, will ya?” said God. “I’ve got a proposition for you.”
God’s anger was aroused. “I am the Lord thy God,” he boomed. “Thou shalt listen!”
“Like I have time to be the next chapter in your Bible. Go to Hell.”
The bush and Tom stared down awkwardly, then burst out laughing.