My apologies but previous reports about finding the ultimate Christmas song were in error. I have found the ultimate Christmas song.
This song quite literally brings the, “Ho ho ho!”
Note: Carmen, ignore the twang and focus on the words. They’re so beautiful!
How would you come off if someone secretly recorded video of you doing your job? Would you pass that test? Would you come through with flying colors?
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Up next is a fierce competition between Wood Chipper and Boa Constrictor.
Wood Chipper sidestepped Quicksand to get to this point in the competition. Boa Constrictor put a stranglehold on perennial favorite Shot by Firearm. Two methods of death enter. One one method will leave.
Who’s cuisine will reign supreme? Only you can decide.
Vote now. Vote early. And vote often.
This is the story of the black shoes that ruined Christmas.
Also this post was written entirely on my iPod. So it’s not quite up to my usual quality.
Dec. 24th. I wore my regular shoes and tried to look nice. A shirt and everything. Sure it had a stain but I didn’t know.
Due to the whole vegetarian crisis and the fact that the kabob restaurant was closed, there wasn’t much of a plan. In fact there was no plan at all.
One group split off and drove through town to see what losers were open. It turned out to be a Mexican restaurant. They were deserted.
I had the tofu tacos and tofu enchiladas. There were also margaritas. Oh God we were lame. So festive! Oh. I also had the figgy flan. Christmas!
Then we went home and opened presents. I got a pair of dice and petrified turtle poop. The latter was from a certain Mrs. who really loves me.
Today I was like fuck it, I’m wearing shorts. And my black shoes. It was time to be comfy. Man did I catch a ration of shit for that but we never went anywhere.
Wow. What a great holiday tale. And writing this on an iPod really sucks. Now I’m legally blind. Fuck you.