A breath of fresh despair

DESPAIRAnother year has passed me by, still I look at myself and cry, “What kind of man have I become?”

Next week I’ll have been at my new job for a whole year. Anyone who’s read my blog will know that the change from Job #2 to Job #3 (as numbered in the Decade of Despair*) didn’t quite go as well as I’d hoped.

Ever curious, I had a eye-opening thought. “Hey, thanks to the blog, I can go back in time and find my first mention about the new job. I wonder how long it took for me to get my feet wet then turn to the blog to vent?”

By now my rails against Job #3 have become so frequent my wife had to order me to limit them to once a week. But what was it like back in the beginning. Sometimes I tend to forget.

October 22, 2010: My last day at the Job #2. I celebrated with a post entitled “So Long, and Thanks for All the Pish.” Good times, good times. And one of my favorite Photoshops, too. Just look at me back then. All glowing and full – dare I say it? – optimism for the future because I was getting out of something bad. Oh, the heady days of yesteryear!

Exactly how long did that feeling last?

If I remember correctly, October 25, 2010, was my first day on the new job. The first sign of trouble was a mere four days later, still my first week at Job #3. Wow!

Even I am impressed by the epic fail of such a short period of time.

By that very Friday I celebrated with a post entitled, “This post is IN STOCK.” This humble missive griped about the rampant dishonesty and unethical business practices I found myself dealing with during a week that consisted mostly of sitting in a chair and watching my boss work on his computer. (That’s what he generously called his “training program.”)

Yes, the Universe didn’t waste any time in letting me know that the small business I’d just hitched my wagon was remarkably similar to Job #1 and Job #2 – only worse.

It made a perfect bookend to my personal journey through the Decade of Despair, a decade that began with the presidency of George W. Bush and me literally staring at Job #1 on Sept. 11, 2001. That particular date was necessary so I’d never forget exactly when it all started. Or my place.

Next week I celebrate a year at Job #3. Those wishing to express condolences can send them to my attention at the local funeral home with the giant Las Vegas-style sign.

* Decade of Despair. This is a term I coined to refer to the ten years starting on Sept. 11, 2001 and ending on Sept. 11, 2011. During this period of time I worked a series of three different ecommerce jobs where I was ostensibly hired for my webmaster skills yet primarily worked as a whore.

8 responses

  1. Um. I hate looking back and seeing a decade wasted. However it helps just a little bit to know I’m not lone. Condolences from the the decade club ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

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    1. When is our next meeting? And what’s our slogan? I recommend, “Hang Ten!”

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  2. But….small business drives the country…or something.

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    1. Yup. I wonder which is greater? Small business owners who are nice or small business owners who are flaming bags of douche? I could just be extremely unlucky, I guess. Maybe I’m not getting a realistic picture of what’s really out there based solely on my personal experiences.

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  3. Look on the positive side. I know…bit of a stretch but this year you coined the phrase “cow orker.” That alone was worth a year of your life. ๐Ÿ™‚

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    1. Yes, I independently invented that phrase. Then I googled it and found out it was invented by Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comic strip. Once again I was a day late and a dollar short. Thanks for rubbing salt in that painful memory.

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  4. Deborah the Closet Monster | Reply

    “celebrate” seems an odd word to use in that last paragraph. :p

    I’ve been at my current job 3.5 years. When I was interviewed, I told them I was looking for “3-5 years.” What I really meant was, “A year if I can handle it.”

    Oooooh well.

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    1. I like the way you speak in code! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Yes, “celebrate” was deliciously misused in that paragraph. It give me a thrill.

      I dropped a hint in the office about the employment anniversary. Anyone want to place wagers on the chance of a professionally done employee evaluation in my near future? Mwuahahahahaha!

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