Me and Jessica Alba

jessica alba 2007_034Here’s a disgusting piece of unfinished shit. No, not Jessica Alba. I’m talking about another unfinished flotsam from my Drafts folder. See how much I value you, the loyal reader? I’m still suffering a severe case of writer’s block so this is what happens.

Thus we launch yet another meme here on the blog. This one is called “Tales from the Drafts Folder.”

Just for the hell of it, I decided to calculate the odds off me and Jessica Alba hooking up. It could happen.


  • Population of Earth: 7 billion (rounded up from 6.75 billion)
  • The population is about 50/50 by gender
  • There is only one Jessica Alba
  • There is only one precious and special snowflake known as “me”

Complicated mathematics formulae go here.

Q: Assuming a random “getting jiggy with it” between one male and one female on planet Earth, what are the odds it would be Jessica Alba and Tom B. Taker?

A. One in 12,250,000,000,000,000,000.

Unfortunately, that number is so big, I don’t even know what it is called. Probably something like a bouillon. So we’ll just use our poetic license and say the odds are about one in 12.3 bouillon.

That’s like winning the Powerball lottery 62.7 billion times. So I’m hopeful.

11 responses

  1. Hmm, I see we have similar fantasies. I wonder if you’ve taken into account the shear number of fellow dreamers who’d eagerly club you over the head in the hopes of infinitesimally increasing their chances? ๐Ÿ˜‰


    1. Of course the identity of the person chosen for this post was completely random. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Since Mr. Spock is my hero, I would point out that this is not a fantasy. It is merely a logical vehicle for demonstrating some probability concepts.

      I actually did the math for this post and those numbers are not made up. I’m not completely sure I used the correct formulas, but the results sound reasonable.

      I did not attempt to factor in variables such as clubbing. Of course that and other similar phenomena would drastically reduce the odds.


  2. Hmmm, nice one Tom. One day before our anniversary and you’re dreaming of Miss Plastic Face.

    Here’s a word puzzle for you husband.

    Here is the first line of your post: “Hereโ€™s a disgusting piece of unfinished shit”

    Replace the “Here’s a” with a “You’re a”.


    1. Dreaming? Erm, no. This was merely a story problem. You know how much I like math. Even so, I can’t argue with your assessment of me. You are highly perceptive which is, of course, why I married you. Speaking of numbers, I’m looking forward to our 6th celebration.


  3. SNAP! Mrs. Abyss for the win! Happy Anniversary, Guru! *snort*

    I wish I was a fly on the wall during Holy Time tonight. Good luck! ๐Ÿ™‚


    1. Oh no you didn’t. Snap back.

      So, yeah, since we both took Friday off we actually had a bit of bonus Holy Time last night. I feel cleansed and empowered to enjoy a three-day weekend with the Mrs. in honor of the duration of our marriage.

      I mean, that is if she’s still speaking with me.


      1. I wish I had read your comment reply to my comment before I dashed off today’s Friday Drabble. It would have changed everything! ๐Ÿ™‚

        Congratulations and here’s to many more…with or without a Jessica. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  4. […] Friday Drabble is in honor of Tom B. Taker, writer of Shouts from the Abyss. Alas, this post may be his […]


    1. Thanks for the mention! ๐Ÿ™‚


      1. Don’t mention it. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  5. Your drabble was wonderful. It really summed me up. And I hope you like the reply I added while you were replying to this. Twix.


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