Here’s a disgusting piece of unfinished shit. No, not Jessica Alba. I’m talking about another unfinished flotsam from my Drafts folder. See how much I value you, the loyal reader? I’m still suffering a severe case of writer’s block so this is what happens.

Thus we launch yet another meme here on the blog. This one is called “Tales from the Drafts Folder.”

Just for the hell of it, I decided to calculate the odds off me and Jessica Alba hooking up. It could happen.

Assumptions:

• Population of Earth: 7 billion (rounded up from 6.75 billion)
• The population is about 50/50 by gender
• There is only one Jessica Alba
• There is only one precious and special snowflake known as “me”

Complicated mathematics formulae go here.

Q: Assuming a random “getting jiggy with it” between one male and one female on planet Earth, what are the odds it would be Jessica Alba and Tom B. Taker?

A. One in 12,250,000,000,000,000,000.

Unfortunately, that number is so big, I don’t even know what it is called. Probably something like a bouillon. So we’ll just use our poetic license and say the odds are about one in 12.3 bouillon.

That’s like winning the Powerball lottery 62.7 billion times. So I’m hopeful.